65 Priceless Chad Quotes From This Season of 'The Bachelorette'
It's completely possible that there has never been a Bachelorette antihero quite so wonderful as Chad.
His unique combination of menace, deltoids, used-car salesmanship, cold cuts, and neckbeard has propelled him to become arguably the most important, most watchable thing this show has ever presented. And now he's gone.
After this week, for real. So, we felt it necessary to celebrate Chad's sparkling run (sprinted, with 300 pounds of weights attached to his waist) with the 65 Chaddiest Chad Quotes. Chad on:
Chad, on how things work:
“If I want JoJo, I will get her.”
Chad, on courtship:
"To a beautiful girl, a beautiful life; fuck you guys, I'm gonna make her my wife."
Chad, on the time-space contradictions that surround him:
"These guys are acting like really old, worn-out-looking... high school kids."
Chad, on how old Nissan Sentras can get you the girl:
"Back when I was a car salesman, I used to have people look at the worst cars before I would show them my good cars."
Chad, on who's really dangerous out there:
"I always warn girls, I always say: stay away from the nice guys."
Chad, on blenders, and the men in them:
"If you're making a protein shake, made of the group of dudes here, and, y'know, blended it up... half that dude-protein-shake would have zero chance with JoJo."
Chad, on the guy who got naked in Episode 1, his only friend:
"I think you're cool, man. I'm glad I met you."
Chad, on patience:
"You've gone a full LIFE without seeing JoJo. You can't wait a couple... like, a day? You can chill. She'll be here. She's not gonna disappear. She's not going to get on a jet and fly away to Malaysia."
Chad, on why he didn't think he needed to tell JoJo why he likes her:
"I feel like, in that moment, you should already know that?"
Chad, on bad starts to fake relationships:
"You're starting off a little naggy here. If I'm getting nagged, I'm gonna say something."
Chad, on Hollywood:
"Forgive me if I'm not going to be fake. I'm not an actor. You look like you are right now, so that's cool."
Chad, on who's in the house for the wrong reasons:
"I feel like everyone, man. Ya'll don't know her yet, you can't be in love with her. Is this the first beautiful girl you've ever seen? You don't have TV? You don't have magazines?!?!"
Chad, on being financially ready for a relationship:
"Financially, I'm ready for a relationship."
Chad, on the vertically challenged:
"She's gonna keep Alex around because she doesn't want America to think she hates short people."
Chad, on plans:
"I'm gonna have some protein shakes, keep working out, keep eating the food, and continue to do what I do. And at the end of the day, I'm going to get the girl."
Chad, on those promises we make while drinking heavily but never follow through on:
"My goal was to get to doing pull-ups with my body weight strapped to me."
Chad, on why he doesn't want to go on this date:
"I don't want to go with 12 guys. That's too many guys."
Chad, on whether or not Evan should keep talking:
"Evan, stop talking."
Chad, on what happens if Evan doesn't chill out:
"You're gonna fucking die if you don't chill out."
Chad, on Chad, as Chad walks past a mirror:
"Whoaa, hey, buddy!!"
Chad, on using unconventional tools for lawn maintenance:
"No girl on Planet Earth ever chooses Evan... for anything... other than to come, like, sweep their front yard."
Chad, on pool parties and what men see at them:
"I don't get why they're all happy with each other, and they're gonna be all happy to see her in a bathing suit. I'd be happier having her not be in a bathing suit, so they couldn't see her in a bathing suit. I know what she probably looks like, I can tell through her dress."
Chad, on approaches that might be received well:
"I don't want to have to physically fight you, but if there's no way to stop you from saying what you're saying, then I will physically have to hurt you."
Chad, on what he's gonna do tomorrow:
"I'm going to cut everyone here's legs off, and arms off, and there's gonna be torsos, and then I'm gonna throw them in the pool."
Chad, on guy quality:
"You know like, you're a good guy, I'm sure, probably."
Chad, on why he did that:
"I did that because. You. Pushed. Me."
Chad, on impossibilities:
"I can't explain to you the reason you do the things you do, Evan."
Chad, on clotting issues:
"Apparently Evan just bleeds thinking about me."
Chad, on the house he’s staying in with all his buddies:
"It's actually pretty fun around here."
Chad, a la carte dining:
"So it's like, imagine me trying to figure out what restaurant you want to eat at. You know what I mean? I mean, you want ice cream, or you want steak?"
Chad, on who’s who:
"You got the bleeding crying sensitive guy with kids. And then you've got scared of people sensitive guy. This guy's over here here doing yoga."
Chad, on goals:
"Why can't everyone keep my name out of their mouths? Get your own lives."
Chad, on what time it maybe is:
"Maybe I can just keep being chill, but I think apparently you have to take it TO THE LIMIT in order to get back cool again. So maybe it's game time."
Chad, on what guys like him are doing right now:
"Whatever guy like me stole your girlfriend or whatever, it wasn't me. I don't know you. I’ve barely talked to you, and honestly, you keep bringing me up."
Chad, on staying busy:
"I work, and I live my life."
Chad, on "will you accept this rose?":
Chad, on the benefits of quiet:
"The only way I can get you to shut your mouth is to hit you in it."
Chad, on realistically evaluating his standing with JoJo:
"I'm feeling real confident in my relationship with JoJo. At this point, I think she's maybe saving me for last. I think she's gonna kinda run through all the other guys, and make sure there wasn't something there that she missed. And when she comes to me, she can be sure to know what she wants."
Chad, on nonviolence:
"I don't like getting into confrontations with people."
Chad, on how one should handle the Chad-bear:
"In other words, it is not a wise decision to poke the Chad-bear."
Chad, on what short guys dig:
"Alex is the type of guy that, the only way to get him to respect you, is to get physical."
Chad, on who's the spokesman for Chad's the Asshole:
"You're the spokesman right now, you're the spokesman for Chad's the Asshole."
Chad, on talking to Chad:
"You don't talk to me, you don't talk to me, you don't talk to me. At all. Not one word. Don't ask me advice, don't talk to me about my life."
Chad, on whether or not that's a stupid question:
"That's a stupid question."
Chad, on outdoor space:
"You wanna go outside, RIGHT NOW? Let's go outside, RIGHT NOW. Do YOU wanna go outside? Get up then. Go."
Chad, on popping into someone's house:
"You think this is a show. And you think you're safe, for now. But one day, this ends. And when this ends, you go home. When you go home you think I can't find you? You think I won't go out of my way, to come to your house? I'm dead fucking serious."
Chad, on residential real estate:
"Get the first out of the way. Nobody ever buys the first house they look at."
Chad, on dentistry:
"The best advice I can give him is to mind his own business and not bring up my name. If he can do that, things will go all right. And if not, I'll be taking his teeth home."
Chad, on Chad:
"I'm not an aggressive guy."
Chad, on contentment:
"I'm not very happy with you. I'm not very happy with you. With you. I'm not maaad... I'm just disappointed."
Chad, on the simple pleasures:
"Life ain't all blueberries and paper airplanes, you know what I mean?"
Chad, on dairy:
"Have a glass of milk, man, and chill out."
Chad, on dairy, again:
Chad, on who's in the castle:
"Pigs are in the castle."
Chad, on what JoJo is to him:
"She's fake, because, I can tell the way she talked to me, I can tell the way she looked at me, and I can tell the way she felt about me. She's either an actress, or she's a complete [THIS WAS BLEEPED OUT, DAMMIT, WHY WAS THIS BLEEPED OUT]. There's only two options there."
Chad, on hide-and-go-seek:
"Alex lied. He told her I threatened people. And you know what? Now I gotta go find Alex."
Chad, on the opposite of down:
"What up man. What's up. What's up."
Chad, on why JoJo probably still loves him:
"I guess she thinks I'm too intense or something."
Chad, on beauty, or the lack thereof:
"Honestly like, in the long run, if a girl doesn't understand it, like, when a guy's backed into a corner with 15 or 20 guys coming after him, a guy's gotta do things that aren't pretty. Sometimes you have to do things that aren’t -- that aren’t pretty"
Chad, on hindsight being 20/20:
"Like I said all along, I’m gonna say, what I wanna say, when I say it. Looking back, I would’ve said the same damn things.”
Chad, on Olivia Newton-John hits:
"The only thing I could think of was literally to get physical"
Chad, on just "who?"
“I’m not going to apologize for something that…you were mad at me literally from the moment you saw me. Just you, just you, just you. Just you.”
Chad, on personal fitness:
“Working out by yourself…is a thing?”
Chad, on LLCs:
“Are you that broke? I thought you owned dick companies.”
Chad, on where he is:
"I'm out. [Whistle whistle whistle]"
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