Chad, on "will you accept this rose?":
Chad, on the benefits of quiet:
"The only way I can get you to shut your mouth is to hit you in it."
Chad, on realistically evaluating his standing with JoJo:
"I'm feeling real confident in my relationship with JoJo. At this point, I think she's maybe saving me for last. I think she's gonna kinda run through all the other guys, and make sure there wasn't something there that she missed. And when she comes to me, she can be sure to know what she wants."
Chad, on nonviolence:
"I don't like getting into confrontations with people."
Chad, on how one should handle the Chad-bear:
"In other words, it is not a wise decision to poke the Chad-bear."
Chad, on what short guys dig:
"Alex is the type of guy that, the only way to get him to respect you, is to get physical."
Chad, on who's the spokesman for Chad's the Asshole:
"You're the spokesman right now, you're the spokesman for Chad's the Asshole."
Chad, on talking to Chad:
"You don't talk to me, you don't talk to me, you don't talk to me. At all. Not one word. Don't ask me advice, don't talk to me about my life."
Chad, on whether or not that's a stupid question:
"That's a stupid question."
Chad, on outdoor space:
"You wanna go outside, RIGHT NOW? Let's go outside, RIGHT NOW. Do YOU wanna go outside? Get up then. Go."
Chad, on popping into someone's house:
"You think this is a show. And you think you're safe, for now. But one day, this ends. And when this ends, you go home. When you go home you think I can't find you? You think I won't go out of my way, to come to your house? I'm dead fucking serious."
Chad, on residential real estate:
"Get the first out of the way. Nobody ever buys the first house they look at."
Chad, on dentistry:
"The best advice I can give him is to mind his own business and not bring up my name. If he can do that, things will go all right. And if not, I'll be taking his teeth home."
Chad, on Chad:
"I'm not an aggressive guy."
Chad, on contentment:
"I'm not very happy with you. I'm not very happy with you. With you. I'm not maaad... I'm just disappointed."
Chad, on the simple pleasures:
"Life ain't all blueberries and paper airplanes, you know what I mean?"
Chad, on dairy:
"Have a glass of milk, man, and chill out."
Chad, on dairy, again:
Chad, on who's in the castle:
"Pigs are in the castle."
Chad, on what JoJo is to him:
"She's fake, because, I can tell the way she talked to me, I can tell the way she looked at me, and I can tell the way she felt about me. She's either an actress, or she's a complete [THIS WAS BLEEPED OUT, DAMMIT, WHY WAS THIS BLEEPED OUT]. There's only two options there."
Chad, on hide-and-go-seek:
"Alex lied. He told her I threatened people. And you know what? Now I gotta go find Alex."