Twenty years after "Gotta catch 'em all" provoked a preteen OCD epidemic, America is once again the victim of Pokémon fever. Pokémon Go hid those pesky evolving monsters in every pocket of existence, turned our mobile devices into Poké Balls, and set players loose across this great nation in search of prizes. Really, 2016 is just like our forefathers' rush for gold.

With the video game still consuming the national conversation, the time is right to bestow upon each state of America its own official Pokémon.

Alabama

Blastoise
Sturdy. Sticks close to water. Can be temperamental and volatile if fucked with. Owns a permit for those cannons.

Alaska

Dewgong
Icy and powerful. Fan of auroras. Flips itself in the air to see Russia.
 

Thrillist/Pokémon Company International

Arizona

Ekans
Enjoys dry heat. Can be vicious if need be, but keeps it low-key. Would probably go to a lot of Diamondbacks games with Papa Arbok.

Arkansas

Weepinbell
Lush, but vocal. Never quite sure what side it's on. Camouflaged by surroundings until the fight starts.

California

Porygon
Privy to new trends and technology despite being the product of retro programming. Wishes it could be organic. Shiny.

Colorado

Drowzee
Looks like he might indulge in the devil's lettuce, but also might be totally straight-edge and deceptively killer at making his way up a nice 14'er. Definitely a fan of Denver Diner on Colfax.

Connecticut

Weedle
Compensates for size with attitude. Hangs out in gardens. Looks like a dick.

Thrillist/Pokémon Company International

Delaware

Ditto
Easily overlooked because it has a boring name and looks like a blanket.

Florida

Psyduck
Loves any body of water. Prone to accidents. Sounds stoned but hasn't touched that shit in years, man.

Georgia

Growlithe
Quaffed, but always ready to show its fangs. A nose for bullshit. Known for accuracy -- would make a great cornhole partner.

Hawaii

Magmar
Doesn't hate the cold so much as barely understands the concept of cold. Prone to eruptions.

Idaho

Diglett
A Pokémon of the land. Pops up every once in awhile to tell people to get off its lawn. Resembles a potato.

Illinois

Venusaur
Grows pretty much everywhere. Weakened by ice and willing to complain about it. Bluesy, but box-like enough to be a formidable square dancer.

Thrillist/Pokémon Company International

Indiana

Electrode
Great carpool buddy. Surprisingly obsessed with speed. Wants to keep our power plant infrastructure just the way it is, thank you very much.

Iowa

Kadabra
Simple on the outside, mystical and secretive on the inside. Possibly offensive depending where you're standing. Believes in utensils. Named "Kadabra" because "RAGBRAI" was taken.

Kansas

Fearow
The closest thing there is to a Jayhawk. Also, a formidable underdog.

Kentucky

Rapidash
Enjoys a good horse race. In a constant, inflamed state of "I just shot back too much bourbon."

Louisiana

Gengar
Either the embodiment of a lore-filled history or the end result of too many rum drinks. A hop in its step, regardless.

Thrillist/Pokémon Company International

Maine

Staryu
Coastal and coasting. Pointed, except when waxing poetic about fish or Phish.

Maryland

Krabby
Territorial (not all Krabbys are found in Washington, DC, dammit). A hard shell that can go soft. Smells of Old Bay.

Massachusetts

Raichu
Better known for its past. Bit of a bully if you fuel it up.

Michigan

Machamp
Competitive, passionate, and proud. Loves a good challenge or rivalry. Appendages jutting out every which way.

Minnesota

Chansey
Happy. Just crazy happy. Salt of the earth -- plus happy. Harvests eggs. While happy.

Mississippi

Arcanine
Thinks it's a wolf, often misunderstood. A force to be reckoned with, especially for those who don't take it seriously.

Missouri

Exeggutor
Part of a cluster, struggling for individuality. Out trailblazing on two feet, though a hype man for its roots.

Montana

Kangaskhan
A big hulking mass of a beast that looks out for the little guy (who lives in its small pouch).

Nebraska

Cubone
Derived from prehistoric history, runs on fossils. More likely to hit with a club than hit the club.

Thrillist/Pokémon Company International

Nevada

Jigglypuff
Loves to put on a show. Can fuck you up if you piss it off or you're just plain unlucky. Will make you want to sleep, then never see it again.

New Hampshire

Aerodactyl
Very old. People seem to like the idea, but never really commit.

New Jersey

Lickitung
The most ferocious mouth in the country.

New Mexico

Charmander
Cute and fiery. Love of the outdoors. Will prove that it can eat more spicy food than you.

New York

Meowth
Self-reliant and laid back, unless under the spell of cityfolk careerists, who transform it into a cunning and morally ambiguous critter. Would make do in a small apartment.

Thrillist/Pokémon Company International

North Carolina

Mewtwo
Strident, steadfast, and tied to legends. Tolerance may vary Pokémon to Pokémon.

North Dakota

Nidoqueen
A highly evolved warrior. Survives in the cold. Overlooked by most of its peers.

Ohio

Wigglytuff
Had a rocky beginning, but turned out OK. Looks like Drew Carey.

Oklahoma

Rhyhorn
Perpetually prepared for incoming storms. Keeps work-ready with its head down. Happy to be landlocked, thank you very much.

Oregon

Pikachu
A chill Pokémon that brings everyone together. Has the creative spark. Can't help but hug it. Occasionally solving murders.

Pennsylvania

Kabutops
Historically important. Will slice your hands off if it detects the slightest bit of resistance.

Thrillist/Pokémon Company International

Rhode Island

Magnemite
Tiny, but draws you in with magnetic power. Looks like a RISD student's thesis project.

South Carolina

Hypno
Will refer to the University of South Carolina as USC and confuse the hell out of you. Will also use adept psychological manipulation to shut down any argument involving the other USC.

South Dakota

Farfetch'd
You might wonder why it exists, but you know you can always count on it for that one thing.

Tennessee

Tauros
Will trample you with its hooves. Sounds like the name of a Nashville dive bar you wanna stay away from, but won't.

Thrillist/Pokémon Company International

Texas

Snorlax
Takes up a lot of space. Stands on its own. Always expanding and prone to food comas. Wants to keep things weird.

Utah

Onix
Individual boulders link together to serve the whole. Dives underground during turbulent moments and lives however the frick it wants to live, gosh darn it.

Vermont

Omastar
Old and often forgotten, but occasionally reminds the world of its blue identity by exploding with political fury.

Virginia

Mr. Mime
Obsessed with tradition. Has a dark past. A little creepy. Makes a good stew.

Thrillist/Pokémon Company International

Washington

Metapod
A gloomy-ass Pokémon that doesn't have a lot to say. Definitely owns multiple Mudhoney albums.

West Virginia

Scyther
Carries knives all the time, but, like, they're for work. Will fucking cut you if you compare it to Mr. Mime.

Wisconsin

Rattata
A hunter-gatherer who loves to sit in a corner and nibble. Loves cheese.

Wyoming

Golem
Giant, but rolls with the punches. Sheds its skin each season. At peace until a Colorado Drowzee stomps into its territory.

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