The Weirdest Shrek Merch Money Can Buy
It's all ogre now.
It's easier now than at any point in the history of the world for a regular human being to purchase clothing, art, and other tchotchkes emblazoned with the likeness of their favorite movie character, and Shrek is no exception. In the two decades since the very first Shrek movie's release, our consumerist reality has facilitated a veritable onslaught of Shrek-themed merchandise. As part of our Shrek Week festivities, we combed through the darkest recesses of the web to find the best, the weirdest, and the downright grossest stuff out there.
So... Shrek shirts? We got 'em. Shrek shoes? We got those too. A 3D printed mini-Shrek to screw on to your toothpaste tube to spice up your morning/night routine? You're not gonna believe this.
It's difficult to find the origin of Shrek Daddy memes. (Is it actually or do I just not want to go into that corner of the internet? You choose.) However, if you want "Shrek Daddy" merch, it is there for you. Is "Daddy" with Shrek ears cheeky and innocent? Or is it another perversion of a kids' movie into something much weirder on the internet? A sexualization of an ogre? Perhaps that all depends on who buys this denim Shrek Daddy visor.—Esther Zuckerman
Fashionistas who want to rep the big green guy, but don't want to sacrifice their sense of style, can look no further than Etsy. Designers on the site known for all-things handmade and kitsch have the magic touch to make Shrek cute with mint crochet hats sportng ogre ears. And in the shape of a bucket hat, they're on-trend, too!—Sadie Bell
This is a real "You vs. the Guy She Told You Not to Worry About" situation. Maybe you think you can impress people with a "normal" Shrek t-shirt that features the movie's title or a recreation of the poster. No, that's for babies. A real adult purchases this "Shrek Animated Family Comedy Movie Ogre Costume Adult Front Print" item and moves through the world with absolute confidence you look exactly like your favorite animated hero.—Dan Jackson
You know those clothing items that catch your eye and immediately make you think, "Yes. Yes. I need this in my life right this second or I will scream." This Shrek hoodie, printed with an image of Shrek's horrified (and horrifying) shrieking face, is definitely one of those things. Now that we've seen it, we can't imagine our lives without it.—Emma Stefansky
To fill out your Shrek ensemble (shrensemble), look no further than these Shrek leggings (shreggings), printed with a collage of Shrek faces of various sizes endlessly fractaling into oblivion. This is the ideal pattern, because it's not until people get up close and personal that they'll be able to see our favorite swamp dweller's grin.—ES
The perfect kicks for the Shrek-loving hypebeast in your life. One of the top comments on the Shrek Fandom article about this shoe comes from a user named Shrektoelover23 and it reads, "YOOOOOO where can i cop these bad boys?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!??!!!?" We have the same question. (Also, if you're reading this and are personally invested in Shrek footwear, please spare a moment and sign the Change.org petition to "Make Shrek Crocs Real.")—DJ
In 2014, Shrek went high fashion. The irreverent designer Jeremy Scott made Shrek the centerpiece of his Spring 2015 collection, meaning, for a brief minute, you too could walk around in a $325 embroidered knit crop top with Shrek's face on it. That truly is the dream. There was also a tie-dye t-shirt that read "Shrek Happens."—EZ
If you've ever wanted to think about Shrek defecating a day's worth of processed swamp slugs every time you brush your teeth, this is the item for you. The Shrek pooper toothpaste topper can be applied to many commercial toothpaste products with relative ease, transforming a mundane routine of personal hygiene into an act of IP-inspired coprophagia. As this excellent TikTok also shows, it also makes a fine gift for a romantic partner.—DJ
Not only can you get a Shrek pillowcase, you can personalize it with your name. Just imagine the Disney-skewering, fairy tale-satirizing dreams you'd have every night as you laid your heavy head down to rest.—DJ
At this point, if you've been following our advice, your outfit and your home are fully Shreked out. In the spirit of Pimp My Ride, the car is clearly next in the Extreme Shrek Make-Over. If you can't afford one of these terrifying vehicles, don't sweat it: You can always purchase this affordable (and sick) decal of Shrek popping out of the side of your car. No Farquaad-like motorist will even think about gently tapping your precious bumper again.—DJ
If you're a Shrek die-hard, you've probably thought seriously about having a Shrek-themed wedding. If you do, please invite us, and also consider getting a Shrek and Fiona cake topper with the bride and groom's likenesses 3D printed in place of Shrek and Fiona's faces. Absolutely no uncanny valley present here whatsoever.—ES
Perhaps the pièce de résistance of this entire endeavor, the one piece of Shrek merch that even the most discerning fan covets: the Shrek CRT TV, a color television console made of plastic dyed that classic swampy green, with a matching remote and a pair of the ogre's iconic ears sprouting from the top, like some half-beast-half-machine out of a David Cronenberg movie.—ES