Lifestyle

Seriously salt some fly's game

If you're ready to step up from fly swatter to fly S.W.A.T. team, you need the Bug-A-Salt: a slide-cocking, Nerf-esque agent of iodized insect death needlessly billed as the world's "Original Salt Gun". With 50-pinch-sized-spray capacity, it can accurately dispatch of insectoid intruders from up to five feet away, and won't "harm furniture" or "break skin", though "don't shoot anyone in the face or eyes"...unless they're a filthy goddamned fly! If you're still on the fence about pre-ordering one of these bad boys, perhaps you'll be swayed by these disgusting fly facts:

  • The house fly carries "over 100 different kinds of germ-causing diseases, such as typhoid fever, dysentery, TB, leprosy, [and] bubonic Plague", so watch out for bugs wearing 14th-century man robes and silly head wraps
  • As if spreading the Black Death weren't enough, house flies taunt us by living the dream of "defecating every 4-5 minutes"
  • Taking a break from its busy schedule of pooping, a female housefly will "lay 3,000 eggs within its life span of 21 days"
  • That same housefly will lay those eggs on your food and "vomit on it before feasting"
And, as if solo flies weren't terrifying enough, "if a house fly spots a group of flies, he will join them, creating a gang", a threat that explains why the Bug-A-Salt is starting to garner some serious buzz.