Listen, we all know there are people who we absolutely, 100% should not, must not date. Ever. Except... spoiler alert: we do it anyway.
We’re not here to tell you who not to date. You already know, and you clearly don’t care, so it’s a giant waste of our time. Instead we’re here with some sound advice on how you can try to pluck these forbidden fruits without ruining your life. You’re sort of welcome.
Disclaimer: none of this is a guarantee. These are all still horrible ideas.
1. Your co-worker
You spend more time on a weekly basis with these people than any other human you interact with, so sexual tension is bound to ensue. Especially if you’re that rare breed of relatively attractive cubicle dweller under the age of 40 -- aka “office hot.” You’re smart, so you already know this is a beyond horrible idea, but after the fourth or fifth round at happy hour, you literally give zero fucks, and what’s the big deal if you hook up, it’s just sex, amirite??
No, no you are not right. And now you are dating your co-worker. But that’s cool. Keeping it a secret as long as possible is one way to successfully navigate this disaster of a minefield. Not only are you spending eight hours a day with this person, but then you are expected to spend your free time with them. The less you interact at the office, the more you’re going to want to do all sorts of dirty things to each other later. It’s essentially eight hours of foreplay. It’s also totally hot to steal a kiss in the break room when no one else is watching. But try not to be too cavalier in case, you know, you get fired. Plus, the less people know or suspect at work, then the less awkward it will be when you inevitably break up. Which WILL happen. But hey, it’s not like you’re dating your boss.
2. Your boss
Aaand you went there. On a scale of 1 to worst possible decision you could make, this hovers somewhere around the worst possible decision you could make. But don’t fret! There are ways to make this work so that neither of you end up on the wrong end of a lawsuit and/or at the unemployment office.
First, obviously, keep your damn mouths shut. At least until you are entirely sure that this is going to be a lasting relationship and not just some sort of taboo “sex-on-desk” fantasy that you both need to get out of your systems. If you do decide this is legit, there are ways to maneuver, but you’re both going to have to learn to be flexible and tolerate a lot of bullshit. People ARE going to talk. They will claim you get the special treatment, even if that is entirely untrue. The gossip mill goes berserk. A lunch here and there is fine, but limit the amount of times you are in his or her office alone with the door shut, even if it is strictly business. Bottom line: this is still your place of work, and should things toe the line between professional and unprofessional, you will have HR and fellow employees on. Your. Ass. Quitting with dignity so you can screw in sweet private bliss is also a valid option.