July 10th: Drake mocks celebrities with his "Energy" video
As any student of the Internet knows, people love celebrity memes. Drake understands this fact and carefully exploits it in the the video for "Energy," a clip seemingly designed for maximum SEO search capabilities. You want Drake as Oprah? It's here. Drake as Tom Cruise? He's got you. Drake as Obama? Yes, sir. How about a good video? Uh, sorry, look elsewhere.
Sweater rating: 23 turtlenecks
July 21st: Meek Mill says that Drake doesn't write his own rhymes
We'll probably never know what led Meek Mill to tweet the following: "Stop comparing drake to me too… He don't write his own raps! That's why he ain't tweet my album because we found out!" Was it a frustrated tweet inspired by Drake's romantic history with Meek's girlfriend, Nicki Minaj? A career death wish? A cry for help?
Sweater rating: 84 turtlenecks
July 22: Funk Flex leaks "10 Bands" reference track
The name Quentin Miller becomes tied to Drake forever after legendary New York radio personality Funk Flex plays a reference track for the standout If You're Reading This track "10 Bands," in support of Meek Mill's allegations. Things are getting sweaty out here for Drake. Better lower the collar on that turtleneck. (Side note: do turtlenecks have collars?)
Sweater rating: 91 turtlenecks
July 25th: Drake drops a Meek Mill diss track
As Drake songs go, the Meek Mill response track "Charged Up" isn't particularly thrilling, and, as a diss track, it lacks enough bite to really leave a mark. In fact, the most interesting thing about "Charged Up" is that it was released on the same night as "Hotline Bling," which may well go down as Drake's most enduring hit. In retrospect, that's a pretty odd accomplishment, but it doesn't make "Charged Up" any less of an underwhelming dud.
Sweater rating: 47 turtlenecks
July 29th: Drake shares another Meek Mill diss track
With no significant response from Meek Mill, Drake fires off "Back to Back," in many ways the aggressive, chest-thumping track fans hoped for. In addition to including a pretty solid Lethal Weapon reference, Drake somehow makes the line "trigger fingers turn to Twitter fingers" sound tough and intimidating.
Sweater rating: 78 turtlenecks
July 30th: Meek Mill responds with "Wanna Know"
Meek Mill fires back at Drake with "Wanna Know" and... it does not land. Who knew all those sweaters were bulletproof? Maybe it's the lint roller.
Sweater rating: 80 turtlenecks
August 3rd: Drake mocks Meek Mill at OVO Fest
With Meek Mill already on a metaphorical respirator, Drake takes the stage at his own hometown music festival and childishly rubs Canadian salt in the Philly rapper's open wounds. As broad pop theater, it's intermittently entertaining, but as an act of "war" it's childish, a pop star co-opting memes fit for a Ted parody account. Though fans rushed to coronate him, for others OVO Fest was the point at which Drake revealed himself to be, as Pitchfork's Meaghan Garvey succinctly put it, "a charming huckster playing an infinite shell game." Soon after, Meek Mill releases more freestyles going after Drake, but they barely register. Drake, like the rest of the Internet, moves on, hoping to forget this incident until it gets brought up on VH1's inevitable I Love the '10s special.
Sweater rating: 40 turtlenecks
September 11th: Twitter blames Drake for Serena Williams' US Open loss
The #blamedrake hashtag gains traction following Serena Williams' devastating loss to Roberta Vinci at the US Open. Fans blame him because presumably he distracted Serena during the tournament with his romantic pursuits. But this is also a great hashtag to use in everyday situations. Late for an appointment? Use #blamedrake. Drop an expensive dish at home? #blamedrake. Write a long article about Drake? #blamedrake.
Sweater rating: 88 turtlenecks
September 20th: Drake and Future release What a Time to Be Alive
Hot off an impressive run of acclaimed mixtapes and an incredible album, Atlanta rapper Future teamed up with Drake on this scatter-shot collection packed with moments of brilliance and lapses into tedium. Mostly produced by frequent Future collaborator Metro Boomin, What a Time to Be Alive isn't quite the Watch the Throne-style statement record fans would have liked to hear, but songs like "Big Rings," "Diamonds Dancing," and the exhilarating "Jumpman" are some of the best songs of Drake's career.
Sweater rating: 77 turtlenecks
September 21st: Drake (doesn't) open a restaurant
Because Drake was involved with the opening of chef Susur Lee's Downtown Toronto restaurant Fring's, the Drake-obsessed media thought he was a silent partner of sorts, but it later turned out he only gave the restaurant its name. Either way, if noted sorcerer and future world leader Jaden Smith is dancing there, that is now a restaurant I will go to.
Sweater rating: 84 turtlenecks
October 1st: Salman Rushdie recites Drake lyrics
Never forget: The Satanic Verses had bars. So it only makes sense that acclaimed novelist Salman Rushdie, no stranger to Twitter beef himself, would show respect to the 6 god by reciting his lyrics in a goofy viral video.
Sweater rating: 70 turtlenecks