1. First things first: shots
The enthusiasm and vigor with which The Highly Obnoxious Bro approaches drinking cannot be overstated. Go ahead -- just try to state it overly! See? You can't. Where the average citizen enjoys boozing in moderation & with discretion, he is concerned only with housing infinity drinks. Alcohol does not complement his lifestyle; it is his lifestyle. As such, The Highly Obnoxious Bro simply must have shots.
"SHOTS!" He'll scream it into his friend's face with equal parts mischief and aggression. Girls are at your table, and they want to get to know you. "SHOTS?!" The Highly Obnoxious Bro will pose it as a question even if he's already ordered them. Which, of course, he has, because these girls are here to talk, and he is here to Go Hard™. "SHOTS!!!" He'll exclaim it with joy as he watches his coworker open up a tab. Shots are tough & brooding, light & fun, magnetic & contagious. Shots are everything The Highly Obnoxious Bro wants to be, and isn't.
(Well, maybe contagious. But not the other ones.)
More generally, The Highly Obnoxious Bro puts drinking first. "My life is a drinking game," he will say as he Jerseys his tallboy of light beer and adjusts his beach tank. And so it is: from haircuts, to funerals, to solitary Tuesday lunches, there is no moment in his life that is not spent drinking, thinking about drinking, or recovering from a previous round of drinking. For The Highly Obnoxious Bro, the game is the game.
2. Be “realistic,” “brutally honest,” and “not racist, but…” at all times
The Highly Obnoxious Bro always speaks his mind. After all, a man who chooses JBone_da_GAWD as his Instagram handle has neither time, patience, nor use for a filter. He is not cocky, he is confident. He will speak truth to power. Of course, in this context, "power" means "anyone with slightly different opinions than me," and "speak truth" is more accurately described as "hurl epithets without real threat of consequence." But these are semantics, and The Highly Obnoxious Bro is not here for those. He is here to tell women that they are a number, and that the number is "six at best, don't kid yourself." He is Just Telling It Like It Is™.