Fourth of July is an incredible holiday. You don’t have to get anyone gifts, there’s no turkey to overcook, and it’s happily missing that weird aunt that asks why you’re still single. Even though you got married three years ago and your wife is standing right there. All you have to do is dig out your American flag bathing suit, shotgun a beer, and be fantastically patriotic by firing off colorful explosives.
We want to salute you great Americans who use poor judgment and shakily held cell phones to capture the majesty of this great day. You remind us that truly wonderful things can happen when you combine at least two of those July Fourth obligations. If you complete the trifecta and add an American flag swimsuit to a fireworks screw-up this year, please send it our way.
Wine Workouts Are Just What We Need in our Fitness Routines
Whatever you're into I guess...
Exercise your right to select a more rational group of friends.
Jesus, take the wheel and hide the matches.
If your name isn't Walter White, don't DIY shit that blows up.
We promise there are more enjoyable ways to set off sparks down there.
Drivers Ed didn't cover firework explosions.
The biggest problem here is that people are dumb enough to waste fireworks on daylight.
Nah, go ahead bro, light the explosive device inside.
Fireworks > Alarm clocks
This is a much easier way to carve out some abs than going to the gym.
Dude, you owe your neighbors some really good beer.
To replicate, skip the sparklers and stare up at the sun until you no longer have eyeballs.
In the spirit of America and touting epic failures, we tracked down the oral history of this fireball, which took place at San Diego's annual Big Bay Boom when what should've been 18 minutes of fireworks went off in 30 glorious seconds.
Sarah Anderson is a production assistant at Thrillist and will probably be setting off fireworks anyway. Follow her mishaps on Instagram: @smileforsarah.