There're myriad reasons to hate college students: they're obnoxiously idealistic, entitled, and have an endless supply of the very thing men think about every 8 seconds -- dining hall soft-serve! Hilariously putting them in their place: FU College Guy,
From a NY writer who has enough free time on his hands to write spiteful missives but not to reflect inwardly on the personal shortcomings that obviously lead to his vitriolic frustration, FUCG's a growing collection of diatribes (and song parodies!) skewering dudes in college whose appearance in a single photo somehow embodies everything he loathes. F*** You...
College Guys Who Think They’re Hardcore Enough To Be Dismissive Of Some Sh*t
You know those afternoons where you do nothing but pop open brewskis while sitting on that ugly gray couch your parents hated so much they gave it to you to take to school and destroy by putting it on the front porch of the house you rent with five other d*ckweeds whose parents are apparently satisfied with their couch purchases? On average, how many light beers do you figure you go through during one of those sessions? Eight? Ten? Fourteen? Whatever it is, it doesn’t make you an alcoholic. Telling Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor “Loosen up, Sandy Baby, you’re too tight” makes you an alcoholic.
College Guy Studying Abroad in Affiliation with Columbia’s Weatherhead East Asian Institute
Dad: “Ayumi, put your fingers of peace down. Why can’t you be more like Kevin? Look how respectful he is.”
Mom: “Shut up, Hitoshi. You love this stupid f*cking college guy more than you love your own daughter. Look how stupid his shirt is. Why does he even wear a shirt with buttons if he is not going to use the buttons? He is not respectful to buttons, that is for sure.”
Stupid F*cking College Guy: “I am gaining international experience that will prove invaluable in my future career as a model for an environmentally conscious sandal company!”
Daughter: “Blah blah blah blah blah. All you people are the ones who are stupid. I’m going to America to have sex with Neil Young. Ayumi out.”