Chain diss No. 2:
"It's a shame, Bell Biv Dinesh, but unfortunately… that chain is poison."
Evidently testing out his Louis C.K. references:
"Big Head is more useless than a bag of dicks without a handle."
What he thinks Richard looks like in a suit:
To Big Head, after Raviga asks to interview him for a CEO position:
"Big Head, you can insult me all you want by involving your self-described shylocks, but to insult Richard and humiliate him, that's like kicking a child who's done nothing to deserve it. I may not be able to finish my ramen."
To C.J. Cantwell, snarky Code/Rag writer:
"Going to jail for protecting your source would make you some kind of First Amendment hero. That's pretty much the best thing that can happen to a journalist. I know it is an inconsequential shit job. It doesn't really contribute to culture in any way whatsoever. We've established that you don't have any journalistic integrity, but what would it cost to buy you some?"
About himself, in his Code/Rag tell-all article:
"My head is so far up my own ass I can see the future."
To Richard, in response to a question about Pied Piper's video chat numbers:
"You want a number? The percentage I give a fuck about you -- zero -- is trending steady."
To Monica, after learning she voted to demote Richard to CTO:
"At least the actual Judas had the courtesy to kill himself after betraying his leader, Jesus Christ. He's the CEO of the world. Ever heard of him?"
To Jian-Yang, convincing him to make the SeeFood app:
"You're gonna walk away from $200,000? You know who walks away from that kind of money, Jian-Yang? Richard, a crazy person. He walked away from $10 million. Now look at him: wet pants, stealing towels, babbling about technical issues that he can't solve. Is this how you want to end up?"
To Jian-Yang, after realizing that the SeeFood app only recognizes hotdogs:
"Jian-Yang, motherfuck. I gave you the ability to spin gold. Instead, you've spun pubic hair with shit in it, and gravel and corn..."
To Big Head's college class, after learning they stole his SeeFood idea:
"I've read a number of disparaging articles about your generation in The Atlantic and Slate.com summaries. It's all true. Trigger warning: Fuck you!"
After Keenan Feldspar asked what Erlich was doing at his table:
"I don't know who you think you are, but men aren't supposed to grow tits. And yet, there they are, atop your little paunch."
Trying to prove to the gang that he likes basketball:
"I'll concede that spending all my time inside a house with you scrawny code jockeys -- the Incredible Shrinking Hendricks and whatever the fuck Jared is here -- may have blunted my conventional masculinity a hair, but it's always been there."
To Richard, explaining why he's an envious crone:
"Keenan was born with a golden horseshoe up his ass, while you sit here toiling away in an icebox you call your home office, cursed with the Midas touch of shit."