It's easy to take Christmas trees for granted. We expect the holiday-season staples to just sit in our living rooms and look pretty, all the while getting shit hung all over them and shoved underneath them. Their greatest reward? Maaaaybe sneaking into the background of a family Instagram before getting tossed or, if it's a fake tree, moving back into storage. Rough life. In honor of these green martyrs, we've perused the web to remember below those trees who went to especially great lengths to please us, fighting unexpected foes and, unfortunately, meeting certain doom along the way.
Dad vs. Tree
A heavyweight tree, from Top Hill Farms in Goodrich, Michigan, holds its own in this nail-biting bout against a blade-bearing dad.
Winner: Dad, according to the OP, who wrote that "with proper guidance from my 3 year old and unwavering 'support' from my wife, we were finally able to take the tree home."
Cat vs. Tree
A harmless climb becomes holiday sabotage in this taut action-adventure.
Winner: The feline grinch, for an impeccable escape that would make these other guys proud
Hoverboard Handstand vs. Tree
As this family learns, a lot of bad can happen in three seconds.
Winner: Draw -- but way to take one for the team, tree
Treadmill vs. Tree
This woman loves her new treadmill so much she graduates from walking to no-hands running in a matter of seconds. Unfortunately, her present hates trees and humans -- so much so that the machine tries to kill both at the same time, right after whispering, "These violent delights have violent ends."
Winner: The cameraman, for his flawless commentary and timing
RC Truck vs. Tree
An unfair fight that makes a small child cry.
Winner: Truck, in two seconds flat
Priest vs. Tree
Tree: Knock, knock.
Priest: I'm in the middle of Mass.
Tree: Knock, knock.
Priest: Fine. Who's there?
Tree: Interrupting tree.
Tree: TREES BE WITH YOU.
Winner: Tree, for figuring out a savvy way to get out of Mass early
High schooler vs. Tree
I like to think that this video is really a xXx prequel, and that this masked daredevil is really yelling, "You've just entered the Xander Zone" at his target on the way down.
Winner: Xander Cage, always
Woman vs. Tree
If you thought Simon Cowell was a harsh judge of talent, you haven't met this tree.
Toddlers vs. Tree
These kids have no idea that their real Christmas present is a surprise visit from Stone Cold Tree Austin.
Winner: Unforgivable, but Stone Cold Tree Austin
Sign up here for our daily Thrillist email, and get your fix of the best in food/drink/fun.