As much as fans love Game of Thrones for its shocking twists, unnerving dragon flights, and authority-wielding 10-year-olds, the show's secret weapon has always been its wit. When an episode finishes, you can't exactly recreate any of the craziest moments in your living room -- unless you live in a giant castle with a cool moat -- but you can quote the funniest zingers, sickest burns, wisest aphorisms, and just plain badass vows of vengeance.
To assist you in the never-ending quest to charm your friends, alienate your loved ones, and annoy all of your feeble-minded co-workers who don't bow before the Lord of Light -- that's what I call my HBO GO account -- we've gone ahead and gathered up the most blistering one-liners from this season so far.
Jaime Lannister, to Cersei after telling her their daughter died:
"Everything they've taken from us, we're going to take back -- and more."
Ellaria Sand, to Doran right before she stabs him:
"Your son is weak, just like you. And weak men will never rule Dorne again."
Khal Moro, to the other Dothraki goons after they mention other things that might be better than seeing a beautiful woman naked for the first time:
"Seeing a beautiful woman naked for the first time is among the five best things in life."
Tyrion Lannister, after Lord Varys says he used to steal from people like Tyrion when he was a boy:
"It's a good thing you're not a boy anymore. Because you have no cock."
Tyrion Lannister, after his knowledge of dragons is questioned:
"That's what I do. I drink and I know things."
Tyrion Lannister, talking to the dragons:
"I'm here to help. Don't eat the help."
Tyrion Lannister, to Lord Varys after leaving the dragon pit:
"Next time I have an idea like that, punch me in the face."
Lyanna Mormont, when Sansa and Jon come to Bear Island:
"As far as I understand, you're a Snow and Lady Sansa is a Bolton. Or is she a Lannister? I've heard conflicting reports."
Tormund, after Jon Snow insists he's not a god:
"I know that. I saw your pecker. What kind of god would have a pecker that small?"
Smalljon Umber, after Ramsay fakes sadness about the death of his father:
"Your father was a cunt, and that's why you killed him."
Daenerys, to the Dothraki right before she kills them in a fire:
"You are small men. None of you are fit to lead the Dothraki. But I am. So I will."
Daenerys, to the slavers when they said her reign is over:
"My reign has just begun."
Davos, to a newly not-dead Jon Snow:
"You were dead and now you're not. That's completely fucking mad, seems to me. I can only imagine what it means to you."
Tyrion, quoting Littlefinger to Lord Varys:
"As a clever man once told me, 'We make peace with our enemies, not our friends.'"
Sansa, to a cowering Littlefinger at their Mole's Town meeting:
"Did you know about Ramsay? If you didn't know, you're an idiot. If you did know, you're my enemy."
Sansa, to Ramsay on the eve of the Battle of the Bastards.
"You're going to die tomorrow, Lord Bolton."
Lord Varys, to Kinvara, the other creepy Red Priestess on the show:
"I suppose it's hard for a fanatic to admit a mistake. Isn't that the whole point of being a fanatic?"
Randyll Tarly, to his son Sam when he comes home:
"I thought the Night's Watch might make a man of you. Something resembling a man, at least."
Yara Greyjoy, to her sad-sack brother Theon after he complains about his luck in life:
"Fuck justice then. We'll get revenge."
Yara Greyjoy, saying goodbye to her brother right before grabbing a friendly woman at the bar:
"Now, since it's my last night on shore for a while, I'm going to go fuck the tits off this one."
Tormund Giantsbane, on the subject of loyalty:
"We're not clever like you Southerners. When we say we'll do something, we do it."
Olenna Tyrell, to Cersei after she makes a threat:
"You've lost, Cersei. It's the only joy I can find in all this misery."
Olenna Tyrell, again to Cersei, this time after she tries to make a truce:
"I wonder if you might be the most horrible person I've ever met."
Brother Ray, lecturing the Hound to be more zen:
"Violence is a disease. You don't cure it by spreading it to more people."
Bronn, after Jaime says his military instincts are better than the Lannister army:
"That's like saying I have a bigger cock than anyone in the Unsullied army."
The Hound, to a man who just won't die:
"You're shit at dying, you know that?"
Brienne of Tarth, speaking to Pod after he says the giant army around a castle looks like a siege:
"You have a keen military mind, Pod."
The Hound, after being told he's getting old and right before he kills a man:
"This one's not."
Lady Crane, to Arya after feeding her soup that magically cures her stab wounds:
"Trust me -- if my soup didn't kill you, nothing will."
Tormund Giantsbane, to Davos the night before the Battle of the Bastards:
Melisandre, providing helpful advice to Jon Snow before he heads into battle:
Davos Seaworth, right before leading his men into battle:
"We may as well be taking shits back here."
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