Entertainment

The 'Game of Thrones' Porn Parody Sequel Is Dark and Full of Terrors

This post contains major spoilers for... nothing.

Will The Red Lady's prophecy come true? Who are John Doe's real parents? Will Queen Sexcei come out on top in the epic climax?

No one has any answers or theories for these questions. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to anyone who could recall the names of the above characters. Don't blame George R.R. Martin for this one. Dense mythology isn't the issue. This isn't ringing a bell John Doe & CO. are the main players in Queen of Thrones XXX, the official sequel series to Storm of Kings XXX, a Game of Thrones porn parody produced in 2016 $100,000. You heard that correctly. Magic doesn't come cheap.

The brainchild of Luxembourg-based adult film studio Brazzers is back with another awe-inspiring round of erotic theatrics that boasts period costumes, CG dragons, and a clan of White Walkers. We're going to let you find out what happens when a mortal human hooks up with the porn version of The Night King because we're already afraid.

Unlike most of the weirder porn parodies on the market, Queen of Thrones XXX takes itself quite seriously. The above SFW trailer is light on anything resembling porn and heavy on... political drama. Fuller Holes this is not. Anyone who dares to watch the show (all four parts are now available on Brazzers website) should expect reveals of... every sort. The more we think about it, the more it sounds like Game of Thrones back when Tyrion hit up the brothels. But not.

Here's the series official synopsis:

“A sudden rise of Dead Walkers threatens the very existence of humans in the land. The threat of the undead is confronted by John Doe; humanity has a warrior. However, in an effort to warn the corrupt Queen Sexcei of the impending threat to her kingdom, Doe is jailed and left helpless – until the mysterious appearance of The Red Woman. Doe is freed and, as a fugitive on the run, must decide whether to return to save the people of Queen Sexcei’s kingdom from an undead coup. Unheeded warnings may cost Queen Sexcei her kingdom, and Westerness its most steadfast warrior”

Get pumped, porn parody aficionados. You can finally stop searching "Game of Thrones" on PornHub and start watching a kitschier version starring sultry cosplayers.

Winter is... uh. Yeah.

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Wes Rendar has definitely not seen the Game of Thrones porn parody. Definitely not.