Let's Obsessively Analyze the New 'Game of Thrones' Season 6 Trailer!

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Earlier today, HBO released yet another trailer for the upcoming season of Game of Thrones, the best show involving dragons that has ever been created. (Sorry, Kukla, Fran & Ollie.) Watch the new Season 6 trailer above and then ask yourself, What the hell did I just watch? Because it's kind of a lot to process. And then read on -- let's sleuth this mysterious trailer together!

Davos Liam Cunningham Game of Thrones

Ghost lives!

Yes, the direwolf's fate had already been revealed by a clip that actor Liam Cunningham brought with him to a recent Conan appearance. But it's good to see Jon Snow's furry pal again in an officially released trailer, since the first one HBO gave us seemed to show the direwolf's inert white carcass lying next to his master's inert white carcass. It remains to be seen whether or not the series will address the batshit stupid "Jon Snow totally warged into Ghost" theory.

Jaime Lannister Game of Thrones

Jaime vs. the High Sparrow

This showdown is guaranteed to be better than Batman v. Superman, and there are only three hands involved. The High Sparrow: "You would spill blood in this holy place?" Jaime: "The Gods won't mind. They spill more blood than the rest of us combined." It's so on.

Melisandre Red Woman Game of Thrones

Mopey Melisandre mopes a lot

The first episode, which was screened at the official premiere last night in Hollywood, is titled "The Red Woman." Cheer up, sad Melisandre -- it's your time to shine! Or maybe die? Who knows what the title really means? (No one seems to -- and believe me, I've checked.)

drogon dragon Game of Thrones season 6

Drogon-cam is the best cam

Something tells me that tonight's menu at Ye Olde Essos Pub will include scorched Dothraki.

Bran Stark Game of Thrones season 6 trailer

So, Bran is a tree now?

This shot would appear to show the paralyzed Stark boy assimilating with a tree. (Yes, I just typed that.) Or maybe it's just Bran realizing that he could have had a V-8.

Meanwhile, there is decidely no Hodor in this trailer. But, hey, at least the actor who plays him was looking awesomeat the premiere last night.

arya stark game of thrones season 6 trailer

Arya gets smacked


arya stark season 6 game of thrones trailer

Arya is basically Glass Joe

From Nintendo's Punch-Out.

Daenerys Targaryen Khaleesi Game of Thrones season 6

Dany gets humiliated

But you know what? The Targaryen formerly known as Khaleesi doesn't seem to be particularly worried.

Jaqen H'ghar Game of Thrones season 6 trailer

Jaqen H'ghar is kind of a downer

"The girl has been given a second chance. There will not be a third." Thanks, meaner Mr. Miyagi.

Sansa Stark season 6 Game of Thrones trailer

Sansa is going to rip some shit up this season

"All I think about is what's taken from me." Cut to...

Walder Frey Game of Thrones trailer season 6

That horny old goat Walder Frey!

Does Sansa's portentious voice-over imply that the smirking Red Wedding engineer's return to the show will be brief?

Freys season 6 Game of Thrones trailer

Returning to the scene of a particularly bloody crime

Look at all those chuckling Freys.

Littlefinger Petyr Baelish Game of Thrones

Littlefinger getting all Littlefinger-y

Petyr Baelish getting all Petyr Baelish-y. In the snowy woods. Near Winterfell, maybe?

Jorah Mormont greyscale Game of Thrones trailer

Greyscale is bad for you

And Jorah Mormont knows it.

Margaery Tyrell season 6 game of thrones

Weeping Margaery

But who is she cradling? Loras? Will no one stop the High Sparrow and let these two get back to their lavish upper-crust lives? Jaime?

game of thrones season 6 trailer

Love is a battlefield

So is this remote location, where, presumably, the Boltons and their Flayed Men will square off once and for all with the northerners who dare to still oppose them. Will a resurrected Jon Snow be there?

Varys Game of Thrones season 6

The Spider shudders

Varys doesn't often look truly disgusted. But he does in this quick shot that finds him talking to a mysterious woman.

Red Woman Meereen Game of Thrones

Holy Red Women, Batman!

This is the woman Varys is seen talking to. Is this doppelgänger Melisandre?

tyrion varys game of thrones season 6 trailer

Seriously, is that Melisandre?

OK, stupid theory: maybe the Melisandre in Westeros sacrifices herself in order to resurrect Jon, and then is herself reborn (quickly) in this steps-descending woman?

cersei lannister game of thrones season 6

This is Cersei acting motherly

Cersei voice-over: "Show them what Lannisters are. What we do to our enemies." Poor Tommen.

jaime lannister high sparrow Game of Thrones season 6

See Jaime stop Sparrows on the sept steps

Not only is it a tongue-twister, it's a possible end to the tedious High Sparrow plotline!

game of thrones season 6

Someone gets stabbed

In the gut!

the night's king white walker game of thrones season 6

The Night's King is a bad-ass

Voice-over Davos is saying: "The real war is between the living and the dead. And make no mistake, the dead are coming." In other words, the Four Horsemen of the Snowpocalypse are heading south, and it's not going to be good for anyone.

white walkers game of thrones season 6 trailer

The Four Horsemen of the Snowpocalypse are bad-ass

Also: those horses are the scariest part of this screengrab.

night's king white walker game of thrones

Wait, white walkers aren't scared of fire?

This doesn't bode well. Even for dragons.

Samwell Tarly Game of Thrones season 6

Sam and Gilly, doing their thing

As George Constanza once said, "The sea was angry that day, my friend..." Note how green Sam's looking around the gills. And whoa -- I just blew my own mind: what if Gilly is named Gilly because she's a mermaid!?

yara greyjoy game of thrones season 6

Yara has a kissy-face

Theon's sister gets cozy with a mystery woman (note the chain around her neck).

Theon Greyjoy Game of Thrones season 6

Theon has a cryface

Will this become the new Michael Jordan crying?

max von sydow three-eyed raven game of thrones

Three-Eyed Raven in the house

In December, he turned up as Lor San Tekka in Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Now, the 87-year-old (!) takes over as the Three-Eyed Raven on Game of Thrones. This has been a good six months for thespian Max von Sydow.

Ramsay Bolton Game of Thrones season 6

Ramsay: still the worst

I mean, seriously, look at him.

Game of Thrones sparrow season 6

Dead man crawling

This is the only shot we see of an unlucky Sparrow whose head is about to be crushed in, most likely by the Zombie Mountain That Rides.

wildlings game of thrones season 6

It's the Boltons vs. the Wildlings

And both sides still have skin in the game. But ask yourself: why would the Wildlings bother to fight the Boltons? Who is likely the only person, living or seemingly dead, who might be able to convince them to do something like that?

podrick payne game of thrones season 6 trailer

Podrick gets choked

Open letter to Benioff and Weiss: Please don't kill Podrick. Thank you.

giant game of thrones season 6 trailer

A giant kicks in a door

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun.

Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun who?

Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun is inside your house.

meera game of thrones season 6 trailer

Things are looking up for Meera

Or are they? It all depends on what terrifying thing is above her.

tyrion dragons game of thrones season 6 trailer

"Dragons do not do well in captivity"

Wise words from Tyrion, who then unwisely ventures into the dragon dungeon with a torch. Viserion and Rhaegal don't seem very amused!

dragon game of thrones

Tyrion, you're fired!

Season 6 of Game of Thrones can't get here soon enough.

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John Sellers runs Thrillist Entertainment from the comfort of his Iron Throne, which everyone else seems to think is a standard-issue swivel desk chair.