Earlier today, HBO released yet another trailer for the upcoming season of Game of Thrones, the best show involving dragons that has ever been created. (Sorry, Kukla, Fran & Ollie.) Watch the new Season 6 trailer above and then ask yourself, What the hell did I just watch? Because it's kind of a lot to process. And then read on -- let's sleuth this mysterious trailer together!
This showdown is guaranteed to be better than Batman v. Superman, and there are only three hands involved. The High Sparrow: "You would spill blood in this holy place?" Jaime: "The Gods won't mind. They spill more blood than the rest of us combined." It's so on.
Mopey Melisandre mopes a lot
The first episode, which was screened at the official premiere last night in Hollywood, is titled "The Red Woman." Cheer up, sad Melisandre -- it's your time to shine! Or maybe die? Who knows what the title really means? (No one seems to -- and believe me, I've checked.)
Drogon-cam is the best cam
Something tells me that tonight's menu at Ye Olde Essos Pub will include scorched Dothraki.
Petyr Baelish getting all Petyr Baelish-y. In the snowy woods. Near Winterfell, maybe?
Greyscale is bad for you
And Jorah Mormont knows it.
But who is she cradling? Loras? Will no one stop the High Sparrow and let these two get back to their lavish upper-crust lives? Jaime?
Love is a battlefield
So is this remote location, where, presumably, the Boltons and their Flayed Men will square off once and for all with the northerners who dare to still oppose them. Will a resurrected Jon Snow be there?
Not only is it a tongue-twister, it's a possible end to the tedious High Sparrow plotline!
Someone gets stabbed
In the gut!
The Night's King is a bad-ass
Voice-over Davos is saying: "The real war is between the living and the dead. And make no mistake, the dead are coming." In other words, the Four Horsemen of the Snowpocalypse are heading south, and it's not going to be good for anyone.
The Four Horsemen of the Snowpocalypse are bad-ass
Also: those horses are the scariest part of this screengrab.
As George Constanza once said, "The sea was angry that day, my friend..." Note how green Sam's looking around the gills. And whoa -- I just blew my own mind: what if Gilly is named Gilly because she's a mermaid!?
Yara has a kissy-face
Theon's sister gets cozy with a mystery woman (note the chain around her neck).
In December, he turned up as Lor San Tekka in Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Now, the 87-year-old (!) takes over as the Three-Eyed Raven on Game of Thrones. This has been a good six months for thespian Max von Sydow.
Ramsay: still the worst
I mean, seriously, look at him.
Dead man crawling
This is the only shot we see of an unlucky Sparrow whose head is about to be crushed in, most likely by the Zombie Mountain That Rides.
It's the Boltons vs. the Wildlings
And both sides still have skin in the game. But ask yourself: why would the Wildlings bother to fight the Boltons? Who is likely the only person, living or seemingly dead, who might be able to convince them to do something like that?