'Last Week Tonight' Writer Josh Gondelman Takes Shots, Talks About Working For John Oliver
We just saw Game of Thrones' biggest episode ever -- not for nothing, the biggest and longest battle sequence ever put to film. We knew going in, especially after last week's very sweet deep-breath episode, that not everyone could come out of this alive, and certainly not if the Night King won and proceeded on his way to King's Landing.
The good news is, the good guys won, and without a whole bunch of casualties among the characters whose names we actually know. The bad news is, a few fan favorites were lost to the Night King's wrath.
If you couldn't figure out who lived or died -- it was pretty confusing! -- here's a quick rundown of who didn't survive "The Long Night."
Poor Edd was the first (besides most of the Unsullied and the ENTIRE horde of Dothraki screamers… seriously, who strategized this??) familiar face to fall to the Night King's army. After saving Sam from a bunch of undead wights, Edd got the heck impaled out of him by one of the zombies, adding another member to their army. You were too glum for this world, buddy.
Fiery Lyanna Mormont became an instant favorite when she refused to take any shit from the grown men around her strategizing alliances and battle plans and wasting her time. As one of the last of the Mormont line, she refused to hide out in the crypts with the women and children, instead opting to don some armor and stand with her men against the undead army. She gets a couple great fighting moments in before being taken out by a zombie giant. As far as deaths go, Lyanna Mormont got a pretty good one. Plus, we got to see her and Edd snap open their wight-y blue eyes when the Night King raises the dead.
With Thoros of Myr gone, Beric's key to everlasting life was extinguished. We knew he was toast as soon as his Red Priest, Thoros of Myr, bit the dust last season, but at least Beric got a few last swings in with his flaming sword before being stabbed by a bunch of wights in one of Winterfell's many dark halls. And at least he died saving a man who once killed him and a girl who swore she was going to for a little while until she took him off her list.
Theon finally got to redeem himself for good -- mainly because this time he won't live to potentially mess everything up again. Theon's redemption arc has been one of the most rewarding of the show, and to see him go out in a blaze of glory while protecting the little brother he once shunned is a beautiful way to close out his plot. Hearing Bran tell him, "You're a good man" was the emotional high point of a very stressful episode.
Finally, FINALLY the threat from the dark depths of the chilly land beyond the wall has been defeated. With one swing of her Valyrian steel dagger, Arya-ex-machina disintegrated the Night King into a million icy shards, taking out his entire army with him. Yet another of Melisandre's vague prophecies -- "brown eyes, green eyes, blue eyes" -- came true. That's what you get for underestimating pretty much the most dangerous girl in Westeros. And he never even said one word.
Jorah died as he lived: firmly in Daenerys' friendzone. One could argue that, by the end, that's where he was most comfortable anyway, and he probably loved the fact that he died fighting side by side with the woman he loves most in the world. The good news is, he lived just long enough to see the Night King's army fall thanks to Arya.
Melisandre started off this episode telling Davos to chill, that she would be dead by the time the sun rose again. With a few well-worded spells she managed to make Winterfell's army much more of a formidable, fiery force than it had any right to be, and, by the end, she knew that her job in this world was done. Taking off her coat and her bejeweled necklace, she walked off into the snow, her hair turning white as her glamour faded, crumpling to the ground and seeming to disintegrate before our very eyes.
Sign up here for our daily Thrillist email and subscribe here for our YouTube channel to get your fix of the best in food/drink/fun.
Emma Stefansky is a staff entertainment writer at Thrillist. Follow her on Twitter @stefabsky.