What your favorite major GoldenEye deathmatch player reveals about you
Conventional, centrist, Nelson Rockefeller Republican. Puts ketchup on hot dogs.
Into Patricia Cornwell books and Michael Crichton AUDIO books. Grandmother lives with family, but has her own bathroom.
Stylish, untrustworthy, surprising lover of cats. Went through a black turtleneck phase. Has definitely had a Boku juice drink.
Sexually charged and crass. Definite closet feminist.
Rules-obsessed, always cold. Child of divorce.
Ironic, nerdy, also a child of divorce, but an amicable one
Cocky or clueless (Valentin's fatness makes him a wider target, OK?!?)
Middle child and stupendous crash dieter. Fan of Pixar films.
Undercover David Bowie fan. Over-cover sleeping fan. Allergic to freshly cut grass.
Voracious Roald Dahl reader, future orthodontist
Fashion conscious, into magic/crunches. Talks wistfully of living in New Orleans in the near future. Subscribed to the now-defunct magazine Cargo.
A GODDAMN CHEATER
Everyone agrees that using Oddjob is cheating. He is short and therefore a harder target, though not in the cool Jean-Claude Van Damme way. You actually have to aim down to shoot him, and that is an unfair advantage, like using Bo Jackson in Tecmo Bowl. People who still insisted on using Oddjob were inferior players with something to hide, and I made a point to write down their names in my diary, so later in life when I was a successful novelist who also played in the NBA and raced helicopters, they'd come to me for a large-sum loan that I would loudly deny them.
I know people who changed controller styles, who preferred Solitaire or Goodnight or even, ew, Kissy. I'm also aware the deep-cut nerds would actually sometimes employ DUAL controllers so they could strafe and jump at the same time while shooting, and because they’re cheaters, too. But I preferred to stick with the default setting, aka Honey, aka Dr. No's Honey Rider, because that was pure and true. Now this is the time when I talk about the weapons.