How Do You Actually Run for President?

Right now, it seems like anyone could be president. We've got a Batman villain billionaire on the ballot. The real-life Tommy Carcetti. And an actual cat. But there are some rules for running for the executive office, and we're going to (attempt to) explain them.
 

Step 1: Pass these Constitutional requirements

First things first, you can't get around three basic requirements outlined in Article II of the Constitution. You need to be a natural-born US citizen (sorry, Chad Kroeger). You have to be at least 35 years old. You have to have lived in the United States for a minimum of 14 years. Pass all those checkpoints? Great. Let's proceed.
 

Step 2: File with the FEC

The next thing you need to do is file with the Federal Election Commission (FEC). This is so it can keep track of your cash flow -- if you have not spent or received $5,000 or more in the name of your campaign, you technically don't need to mess with the FEC at all. But if you're even remotely serious about running, you're going to hit that $5K benchmark, so fill out Form 2. It's stupidly, unbelievably basic. Don't believe us? Look at the 564 people who've managed to file for 2016 so far.

Flickr/Gary Denham

Step 3: Form an exploratory committee

Now, you're probably wondering what happened to Form 1. That one concerns "exploratory committees," and it's kinda optional. These groups are typically set up as non-profits, and are there to see how people are responding to you as a candidate. Their function doesn't have to involve much beyond making some phone calls and knocking on some doors, but many people use them as a media tool in the early stages, while they're still "testing the waters."

Since exploratory committees don't have to file financial reports with the FEC, once a candidate starts raising significant funds or explicitly calling his or herself a candidate, it's necessary to ditch the group. But if Form 2 was submitted, then a committee has 10 days to file Form 1 with the FEC, so get that together.

Step 4: Get on state ballots

Here's where it gets tricky. You need to get your name on state ballots and, because they're all special snowflakes, each state's rules are different. As the Washington Postexplains, it could be a matter of netting 500 signatures on a petition (i.e., California) or it could be a matter of literally showing up to a caucus and shouting the loudest (seriously, Iowa?). You need to do this in enough states so that, come your party's convention time, you have delegates to back you up.

Step 5: Debates and dinners

After that comes the televised debates (during primaries, the network has to pick you for those), the dinners with trade unions (your campaign manager will set those up), and kissing so many grimy babies (you can do that without any red tape). You got this, champ! As long as you have approximately one bajillion dollars.

Sign up here for our daily Thrillist email, and get your fix of the best in food/drink/fun.

Kristin Hunt is a staff writer for Thrillist, and will never run for president, because she doesn't want all her embarrassing AIM screen names to come out. Follow her to skeletons in the closet at @kristin_hunt.