EMMA: I think going on the record and saying that the serial killer from Netflix's Lifetime-iest show is TV's most perfect boyfriend is a great way to kick off the next 12 months, so that's what I'm going to do. I would date Joe Goldberg. If you've ever hung out with me in a bar after a couple glasses of wine and heard me talk about my no-good, dirty rotten exes, you'd swear I had already dated Joe Goldberg. He's the perfect encapsulation of what makes men like him so dangerous and so alluring: He's very smart (intelligence is hot), he's charming and knows a lot about books (the thinking man's movies), and he would do anything for the people he cares about, including and not limited to stalking them, their friends, their former lovers, their employers, their family members. He's obsessed with his girlfriends -- who doesn't want a boyfriend like that??
Plus, in the second season, he makes it very clear that he's working on himself! As you said, he doesn't want to be a killer -- though he will kill, if he absolutely needs to. If external circumstances drive him to murder, so be it. It's his victims' own fault, really, for sticking their noses where they don't belong (sorry Delilah, though, technically, she's Love's victim as a byproduct of Joe's self-improvement). He can't control what has to happen then!
I do feel like it's worth mentioning that I am partly joking and am indeed extremely self-aware and normal. Penn Badgley, bless him, has done everything he can possibly do to convince people to stop fantasizing about dating Joe, not that any of it is working. It just doesn't help that there are so many seeds of a healthy, rewarding relationship here. He'll do anything for Love. Anthony, as a lifestyle guru yourself, do you think following your significant other to her insane parents' "Wellkend" is the ultimate test of true love?
ANTHONY: First, I can attest that you've never dated anyone half as good as Joe Goldberg because, 1) You're still alive, and 2) One of your ex-boyfriends was really into Slipknot, I think? No way Joe sinks to that level.
As for the wellness weekend, it might be the best episode of the season, and from personal experience I'll say it's pretty difficult to make it through one of those retreats without resorting to smoking crack, which is what Forty does. Who brings crack to a Wellkend celebrating two wellness lifestyle legends' marriage?! New-age L.A. wellness nuts, that's who! This episode embodies the show's perfect, oxytocin-inducing mix of over-the-top and incredible nuance. You have a wolf. You have a truth yurt. You have Candace, as Amy Adam (not Adams!), being pressured into hugging the guy who buried her alive. You have Love's horny, menopausal mom making Joe smoke weed. Through it all, Joe goes out of his way to calm Love before her speech, invent cutesie little inside love-babble, and collect Forty just in time to catch and ruin the ceremony. Love should've married him on the spot, and outside of getting his finger chopped off (and maybe the 11-hour acid trip), it's the most pain he's endured for showing her he's worthy.
And he is worthy, right? What are some other things we Love (hahahahahaha) about Joe?