We’ve all had brushes with society’s elite, even if your idea of a celebrity is the guy who screams a lot in the local car dealer ads. But the folks who staff the high-end nightclubs where the pretty people party have run-ins with the boldface set on a daily basis. Here are their favorite tales* from the front lines of arrogance, excess, and debauchery.
*Not having been present for any of these tales ourselves, please enjoy them with a margarita rimmed with multiple grains of salt.
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“Jenny was paid to host some event at our lounge. The organizers asked a few waitresses to serve Jenny a drink for photos. Our waitresses are quite pretty and you could see Jenny tense up when they approached. After one batch of pictures, she pulled her people aside and demanded they photograph her alone or with waitresses who are ‘less attractive.’" -- General Manager, Los Angeles
Heidi’s mind is dirtier than yours
“Heidi Klum was in our VIP area for someone’s birthday party and she was trolling everyone, asking them raunchy questions. She kept asking one weird guy who he had to blow to get past the VIP bouncer. The guy didn’t know how to respond since he thought she was serious. Finally, he slinked away and she lost it laughing.” -- Waitress, NYC
DiCaprio’s microscopic fuse
“Leo was at our owner’s table with Lukas Haas and five friends. That area’s always crowded, but this night, it was a mess -- probably because Leo was there. Someone stepped on Leo’s friend’s foot. Leo thought the offender should apologize, but the guy shot him a dismissive look. Within a second, Leo’s across the table, grabbing for the guy, screaming, neck veins popping. His friends had to restrain him. He wanted to split that guy’s head open.” -- Waitress, NYC
“Josh Hartnett was really [imbibing at a swift pace] and coming on to a server at our lounge. He kept swatting her on the butt, calling her ‘mine,’ among other creepy names. She asked him to stop, but he wouldn’t. He grabbed her ass again and she had enough and threw a drink on him. He flipped out and demanded our manager fire her. Our spineless manager took his side and she had to leave immediately.” -- Waitress, NYC
Rihanna will twist your t*tt*es
“We had a private event for a magazine and Rihanna was standing on a banquette, next to a girlfriend, when she just pulled this girl’s top down -- and her bra -- then started pinching her nipples. Rihanna was laughing but the girl wasn’t really fazed. I got the feeling this happens often. The girl finally shoved her away when Rihanna started licking [her]. Then they did a stupid amount of tequila shots.” -- Waitress, NYC
Smoke out the Foxx
“Jamie Foxx was in our VIP section, grinding against some women who belonged in a rap video. It’s Vegas, so you can smoke inside, and some customer near Jamie lit a cigarette. Jamie acted like someone threw actual shit at him. He threw a temper tantrum, yanked his scarf over his nose and mouth like a filter and gestured wildly at the smoker. Jamie's handler rushed over and asked the guy to put it out, saying it could damage Jamie’s vocal chords. The guy looked right at Jamie, laughed, and said no. Jamie's handler tried to have security throw the guy out, but the customer was a friend of the owner. Jamie left a few minutes later.” -- Waitress, Las Vegas
Captain America’s super spliffs
“Chris Evans should roll every joint. He was at our table and someone wanted to get high but doesn’t roll. Chris crushed up weed in one hand and prepared the papers in the other. I blinked and suddenly the weed’s all in there and it’s neatly twisted into a cone. He even used a drink ticket to make a filter. It happened in less than a minute and he didn’t bother sitting. It’s one of the best joints I’ve smoked.” -- Promoter, NYC
Dustin Hoffman will wait on YOU
“Dustin’s after-party for a premiere was at our venue and he brought his whole family. He had a reserved table in my section, but when I came to take his order, he very politely said they were all set. I went to the bar to get drinks for another table, and I looked over and saw Dustin, trying to order drinks. I told him that’s my job, but he smiled and said he didn’t need anyone to wait on him. My tray of drinks came out during this conversation and he was so nice and sweet that he actually offered to help me carry them to my table. He almost didn’t take no for an answer. When he left, even though I never waited on him, he gave me a serious tip.” -- Waitress, NYC
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Ned Doyle is a writer living in New York City who hopes never to be famous.