"He is literally a statue of limitations," Kimmel joked.
Kimmel mostly stuck to the old Oscar tradition of PG entertainment, with limited rancor directed at the film industry itself; in fact, he said that this is a time of positive change, so everyone should focus on the various firsts achieved by films like Get Out, Lady Bird, Call Me by Your Name, and more. The power of positive thinking! If there's one thing Hollywood hates more than a reckoning, it's sick burns at its expense. Instead, the Jimmy Kimmel Live! host saved most of his vitriol for Vice President Mike Pence: "We don't make films like Call Me by Your Name to make money. We make them to upset Mike Pence."
As a bonus, Kimmel offered a Jet Ski to the winner with the shortest speech. Watch the full monologue below, good luck to all the winners, and check out the full list of Oscar winners here.