You’re a couple with a dog
So he’s sterile AND they’d rather pay thousands for a French bulldog than get a shelter dog like someone with a shred of actual decency.
You’re a couple with unruly children
And they just knocked over a table of organic raspberries while fighting over an iPhone, even though they both have one, because, you know, kindergarten graduation presents and all.
Your children are creepily well-behaved
Did that 3-year-old kid just say “Pardon me, ma’am, may I pass through?” That family must have dark secrets. Dark. Secrets.
You’ve been staring at the creepily well-behaved childrens’ yoga pants-wearing mom
You WOULD be staring at the mom with the unruly children, but she’s off trying to corral her kids as one tries to brain the other with a butternut squash.