This article contains major spoilers for Riverdale Season 3.
It's gotten to the point with Riverdale that, no matter what happens, pretty much all we can do is just throw up our hands and go, "I GUESS." A deadly Dungeons and Dragons knockoff that is somehow immensely popular and cool? I GUESS. A dude who dresses up in twigs and makes people drink poison? I GUESS. A Jonestown cult that harvests organs from its unwitting participants? I GU-- wait, what??? Yes, folks, that was indeed a plotline at the tail end of last season, when Betty and her mother were prisoners of the Farm while the Gargoyle King was running rampant through the streets of their quaint little hometown. Now that Season 4 has kicked off with an appropriately emotional sendoff for the late Luke Perry, known on the show as Archie's father Fred Andrews, it's time for the bizarre games to kick back up again. If you don't have time to rewatch the last couple episodes of Season 3, or if you just need to be told what to remember -- look, there's a lot of TV out there, we get it -- here's a quick catch-up for you, complete with corpses, prison intrigue, and that sweet, sweet, blue poison juice.
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The Gryphons and Gargoyles fad is over
For all of Season 3, Riverdale was held in thrall by the oddly popular roleplaying game Gryphons and Gargoyles, a Dungeons and Dragons knockoff that dictated the events in the town, at its darkest convincing players to willingly commit suicide by drinking poison in the middle of specifically designed quests. It was during one such life-or-death G&G quest hosted by Penelope Blossom in the woods of her hunting lodge that Archie and his buddies finally defeated the game -- and found out that Penelope herself had sowed the G&G seeds through Riverdale to get back at the town that forced her to marry into the Blossoms as a child. I mean, sure. As twists go, this is one of Riverdale's more believable ones.
The Black Hood is finally dead
The Black Hood, better known as Betty's creepy father Hal Cooper, was finally offed in the last episode of Season 3, when Penelope Blossom shot him in the head after Betty refused to do it during that diabolical G&G quest. We didn't actually SEE him die, like, there's no BODY to speak of or anything, but… come on. He's dead. It's over. It's gotta be. Right?
Chic was the Gargoyle King
Remember Chic?????? Betty's creepy half-brother who actually ended up not being her half brother but who kept overstaying his welcome in the Coopers' home was left for dead in Season 2 after Betty basically sicced her dad on him. It turns out, Chic was living with the Blossoms the whole time, had dyed his hair Jason Blossom red and was carrying out Penelope's dark bidding. At the end of the season, it's said that Chic was in jail, but the way this show goes, that might not last long.
Betty's mom Ascended with the rest of the Farm
Edgar Evernever, played, of course, by distressingly attractive early-aughts icon Chad Michael Murray, did end up being a cult leader after all! The Farm, which held poor Alice Cooper into its clutches for an entire season, was revealed to be, among other things, an illegal organ harvesting operation headed by Evernever, who was on the run from the FBI. Unfortunately, they didn't catch him, since he carried out his mysterious Ascension at the end of Season 3 before any agents could find him, taking Alice with him -- but leaving Kevin behind. Will Kevin be able to rejoin into the town he shunned? Will Betty, whom he led into a lobotomizing lions' den, ever forgive him? Why doesn't Riverdale have any licensed cult-reassimilation therapists handy?
Cheryl stole her brother Jason's corpse from the Farm
Amidst all the other weird shit the Farm was doing, they also dug up Jason Blossom's corpse from the graveyard and sat him in a weird room!! What the heck!! Cheryl, who seems perpetually on the edge of a nervous breakdown, naturally did the sensible thing: reinterring Jason into the earth he came fro-- oh, no, sorry, my mistake. She TOOK HIS CORPSE BACK HOME and is now TALKING TO HIM like he is STILL ALIVE.
Archie and Veronica are back together
Varchie lives! While Archie was on some bullshit journey to Find Himself by… beating up people he didn't like in prison, Veronica was living large in her speakeasy in the basement of Pop's Chock'lit Shoppe, sharing a few flirtatious exchanges with Reggie Mantle, who became a little bit of a casual love interest. But you can't keep a good Arch down for long, and when the chips were down -- i.e. when they were both on the run for their lives in the middle of the woods dressed in fancy evening wear -- Archie pledged his love to Veronica again, and everything went back to normal. "Normal" being an extremely relative term in Riverdale.
Hiram Lodge is still running things from prison
Hiram Lodge was sent to prison -- yay! Except, as these things tend to happen, he's still pretty much running everything from his spacious prison yard. Before they could even start to plan how to run the Lodge estate on their own, Veronica and Hermione were separated by Hiram's iron fist yet again, and Hermione was arrested for plotting her husband's murder. Which… she kinda did.
Archie owns the gym
Hiram let Archie keep the Southside Boxing Gym as a kind of apology for scheming to get Archie sent to prison last season. How nice of him.
Betty's real brother Charles is an FBI agent
Riverdale loves third-, fourth-, and even tenth-act twists, and the final reveal in Season 3 was that Alice Cooper had been informing on the Farm and Edgar Evernever to the FBI this whole time! And who should reveal this crucial information but tall, straw-haired Agent Charles, who turns out to be the very Charles that Alice gave up as a baby. That's right, folks: Betty has found her half-brother at last -- who also, it's important to note, is Jughead's half brother. Thanksgiving's gonna get weird!
Something's going to go down during Spring Break
The Season 3 finale ended on a fantastic cliffhanger -- something Riverdale has always been scarily good at. As the four buds clink shakes at Pop's, the show skips a few months to Spring Break of their senior year, where Archie, Veronica, and Betty are standing around a bonfire in their skivvies, burning their clothes AND JUGHEAD'S ICONIC HAT. What's going to happen to them?? And what have they done with Jughead???
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Emma Stefansky is a staff entertainment writer at Thrillist. Follow her on Twitter @stefabsky.