The magical thing about Bill Hader's old Stefon appearances on SNL was they were always a failed attempt at self-control. Longtime collaborator John Mulaney famously messed with him by putting new jokes on the cue cards in between dress rehearsal and the live show, essentially guaranteeing Hader would break character.
Fortunately, that same magic was on display this weekend, as everyone's favorite tour guide triumphantly returned to the Weekend Update desk to recommend bars for the St. Patrick's Day tourists in the Big Apple. "New York's hottest club is 'Stand Clear of the Closing Doors, Please!' Built in Upside Down world, this haunted hospice was closed when inspectors found a sexy form of asbestos that could cause disease," offered Stefon. "Me-so-horny-oma." Of course, this place had everything. "Young popes, old popes, Roman J. Israel, Esquire," he added. "But avoid the dance floor on Wednesdays, when a dozen hot dachshunds and corgis get in free. They call it long-and-low night -- I don't trust any dog whose stomach touches the ground. Plus, you can party in the VIP room with a group of human Squatty Potties."
To explain that last part, Stefon had to consult his lawyer, an esteemed attorney and conceptual piss artist played by none other than Mulaney, because he didn't want to be insensitive. But as soon as his old partner-in-crime walked onstage, he lost it. As always, he never stood a chance.