"I got thrown out of a bar in New York City. Now, when I say I got thrown out of a bar, I don't mean someone asked me to leave, and we walked to the door together, and I said, 'Bye everyone, I gotta go!' Six bouncers picked me up and hurled me out of that bar like I was a Frisbee. Those big old New York bouncers that think that bouncing is cool. They hang out with other bouncers, talking about bouncing. They go home at night and watch Road House and fondle themselves."
-- Ron White, comedian from Texas, in the Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie
“New York City is the only place in the world where the lesbian candidate is too conservative.”
-- Stephen Colbert, comedian from South Carolina, on a city council member who lost the Democratic primary for mayor in 2013
"A New York nine's an everywhere-else six,
Timewise, the opposite goes for chicks."
-- Childish Gambino, rapper raised in Georgia, in "L.E.S."
Lee Breslouer is a senior writer for Thrillist and thinks Zach put $5,994.50 too much on his card. Follow him to more astute observations: @LeeBreslouer.