The Biggest Celebrity Beefs of Summer 2016: Who Won, Who Lost

kim kardashian and taylor swift beef
Furious 7 | Christopher Pike/Getty Images
Furious 7 | Christopher Pike/Getty Images

The summer, the time for car radio blasting, staycation binge-watching, and movie theater air conditioning is nearly over. Luckily for you, we're not ready to say goodbye. This week, follow our look back at the best of summer movies, TV shows, and music for recommendations on how to keep the good times rolling.

The warmer months are usually quite chilly when it comes to entertainment news, with everyone spending more time hanging out by the pool than worrying about who is better than whom. Well, blame it on global warming, but summer 2016 burned hot with the flames of a million celebrity beefs.

From Taylor Swift to the usually docile Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, feuds both old-fashioned (regular old shit-talking) and newfangled (hello, social media shade) are on the rise. Here, we look at some of the reasons summer 2016 will go down as one of the hottest ever.

Knocked Up
Knocked Up | Universal Pictures

Seth Rogen vs. Katherine Heigl

This decade-long feud heated up again when Heigl went on Howard Stern and said that she owed former co-star Seth Rogen an apology for calling Knocked Up "kinda sexist" back in 2007. In August, Rogen called a cease-fire on Stern, claiming that he didn't want their dust-up to hurt Heigl's career. Still, he never got his apology, saying shadily, "When I apologize to people, generally, I don't take a public forum to do it."
Winner: Rogen. He got the last word, and Sausage Party was way more fun than reigniting a decade-old fight over a movie he didn’t even write.

Orlando Bloom vs. Justin Bieber

It was odd enough when Orlando Bloom was photographed paddleboarding totally naked with girlfriend Katy Perry on his bow. It was even odder when a picture of Justin Bieber skinny dipping was published just a day later. Was it all a coincidence, or did Bieber need to prove that he had the biggest snake in the garden?
Winner: Since both men are presenting well while in cold water, we can call this one a draw.

Taylor Swift vs. Calvin Harris

While Taylor Swift was swallowing Tom Hiddleston's tonsils, another scandal broke out: TMZ reported that Swift co-wrote ex-boyfriend Calvin Harris' summer collab with Rihanna, "This Is What You Came For." Swift's rep confirmed that the rumor was true, and Harris shot back by going ballistic on Twitter and accusing Swift and her rep of trying to make him "look bad." He wrote, "I figure if you're happy in your new relationship you should focus on that instead of trying to tear your ex bf down for something to do." Sick burn.
Winner: Harris. He managed to make America's (former) sweetheart look petty and mean, and that's not easy to do.

Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds | CBS

Shemar Moore vs. Thomas Gibson

When Thomas Gibson was fired from his 11-year run on Criminal Minds, your Aunt Nancy's favorite show, for a verbal and physical altercation with a writer/producer on the series, his former co-star Shemar Moore had some choice words for the hotheaded actor on Instagram. "I believe in Karma. Good things happen to good people. Honest people. Hardworking people. Humble people. People who believe in basic goodness." He never mentioned Gibson by name, but he later deleted the video, so now we all knew who he meant.
Winner: Moore. Let he who didn't kick someone throw the first stone.


Michael Phelps vs. Chad le Clos

One of the only disappointments Michael Phelps had after the 2012 Olympics was that he was beaten by South African swimmer Chad le Clos in the 200m Butterfly by .05 seconds. The two were slated to go head to head again in the event this year, but in the warm-up area before the race, le Clos was dancing in front of Phelps, trying to psych him out. That's what Phelps was watching when he made this face.
Winner: Phelps. He went on to place first in the race, while le Clos didn't even get a medal. Also, only one of them is a meme now.

Conor McGregor vs. Nate Diaz

Who knew promoting UFC fights was so hard? When Conor McGregor failed to show up to a press conference before fighting Nate Diaz in July, their fight was pulled off the ticket. In August, McGregor showed up 30 minutes late and Diaz walked off the stage in disgust. The two shared expletive-laden words before throwing water bottles at each other over the crowd of journalists. What do you expect from professional fighters?
Winner: Diaz. McGregor won in the ring -- but only based on points, and he's the one who looks like the diva. But don't worry, another fight is coming soon.  

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson vs. Vin Diesel

Just a week before filming was set to wrap on the latest installment of the Fast and the Furious franchise, The Rock took to his Facebook page to call out some of his "candy ass" male co-stars. Apparently, this cryptic comment was meant for Vin Diesel, a producer on the movie who had kept The Rock waiting on set in 100-degree heat multiple times throughout production. The two allegedly had a meeting on set to quash the feud. A few days later on Instagram, The Rock thanked all of his co-stars for their hard work -- leaving Diesel out.
Winner: Draw. Can you even tell them apart?

Taylor Swift vs. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

This one started all the way back in 2009, when Kanye West got up on stage at the VMAs to tell Tay-Tay that Beyoncé deserved an award more than she did. However, the most recent dust-up between Ye and Tay is about West's song "Famous," where he says he might still have sex with Swift and "I made that bitch famous."

When the song was released, Swift said she didn't know about the lyric and wasn't cool with it. Kanye responded on Twitter to say that Taylor actually gave him her blessing. When accepting her Grammy for Album of the Year, Swift said, apparently referring to Kanye, "There are going to be people along the way who will try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame, but if you just focus on the work and you don't let those people sidetrack you, someday, when you get where you're going, you'll look around and know that it was you."

But this all happened in February, so what about this summer? In a GQ cover story this July, Kim Kardashian insisted that Swift knew about the lyric, and claimed to have video of Swift and West's conversation. Swift responded with a statement of her own, calling Kardashian a liar and wondering why the Kardashian-Wests won't leave her alone. Kim, maestra of social media that she is, then posted a snippet from the videotape on Snapchat. Taylor went berserk and posted an Instagram of an iPhone note (the modern equivalent of defacing her picture in every copy of the school yearbook) saying that West had never asked to call her "that bitch" in his song. Oh, I can't wait to see what happens next.
Winner: Kardashian. While Swift looks like a shrill girl with something to hide, Kim looks like she's just standing by her man. But, of course, this is long from over.

Sign up here for our daily Thrillist email, and get your fix of the best in food/drink/fun.

Brian Moylan is a writer and Real Housewives anthropologist. He is currently the US television columnist at The Guardian, and his work has appeared in Vice, Gawker, New York Magazine, and Time. He would like to thank God, his mother, and Meryl Streep for this honor. Find him on Twitter @BrianJMoylan.