"I need a bogel for the glotch."
Put that dictionary down: this sentence means nothing. But out of Ted Cruz's mouth, dubbed in by the diabolical pranksters of the "Bad Lip Reading" YouTube channel, it means everything.
This year's Republican presidential primary has been an unprecedented circus. Composure and classicism is out the window. Every few weeks, Cruz, Donald Trump, Marco Rubio take the debate stage to call each other names, whatever words can cut through the cacophony. Away from the action, they deliver heartfelt speeches in attempts to woo the undecided. The words are broad, the words are loaded. Very little of it means anything, and no matter where you stand on the political spectrum, the hoopla is a sight to be seen and heard.
The latest Bad Lip Reading dismantles Ted Cruz categorically wriggling demeanor. That is to say, there's no way the Texas Senator is actually the Zodiac Killer, but you can see how the Internet wound up there. The Bad Lip Reading video rescripts Cruz's speeches and taped interviews to amplify the creep factor tenfold.
The video arrives on the heels Super Tuesday, this week's key moment in the primary election, and a real meme bacchanalia. No quote went unspoofed, no video clip un-Vined. New Jersey governor Chris Christie took a particularly harsh beating, called out for languishing behind Trump as the winning candidate delivered his victory speech. At least Bad Lip Reading had to make up goofy dialogue to stick it to Cruz. This clip is 99 percent real life:
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Matt Patches is Thrillist’s Entertainment Editor. He previously wrote for Grantland, Esquire.com, Vulture, The Hollywood Reporter, and The Guardian. His favorite movie of all time is Groundhog Day. Find him on Twitter @misterpatches.