Hilariously Awkward Life Lessons From Liz Lemon
30 Rock is long gone, but the wisdom of its main character, Liz Lemon, lives on. While she didn't have the confident charm of Don Draper or the badass mystique of Walter White, Liz Lemon stood out among TV's alliteratively named protagonists thanks to her unfiltered, imperfect, endlessly awkward observations on life, food, and sex (specifically, not having it). It's high time we revisited Tina Fey's sitcom alter ego and reminisced about what it was like when we were all saying "I want to go to there" and "Blergh" on a daily basis.
But let's not start that habit up again. The moment is over.
"Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich."
-Episode 4.3, "Stone Mountain"
"Lovers. Oh that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza."
-Episode 2.8, “Secrets and Lies”
"Living a lie will eat you up inside. Like that parasite I got from eating sushi on Amtrak."
-Episode 6.10, “Alexis Goodlooking and the Case of the Missing Whisky”
"Rejection from society is what created the X-Men!"
-Episode 4.16, "Floyd"
"Here’s a little bedroom tip: Put a bag of popcorn in the microwave beforehand. That way, when you’re done, you have a treat!"
-Episode 6.13, "Grandmentor"
"If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one."
-Episode 6.17, "Meet the Woggels!"
"I hate January. It’s dark and freezing and everyone’s wearing bulky coats. You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless."
-Episode 4.11, “Winter Madness”
"If I could push a button and five people in the world would die, but I'd get free cable for life, I'd do it."
-Episode 5.15, "Reaganing"
"You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?"
-Episode 6.5, "Today You Are a Man"
"If I have learned anything from my Sims family: when a child doesn’t see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself."
-Episode 3.21, "Mamma Mia"
"You can try to change New York, but it’s like Jay-Z says: concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there’s nothing you can do."
-Episode 6.8, "The Tuxedo Begins"
"If I can't poop in the street, why should my tax dollars pay for someone else to?"
-Episode 5.14, "Double-Edged Sword"
"It doesn’t matter how long you’ve lived in New York. It’s still fun to look up and pretend all the buildings are giant severed robot penises."
-Episode 5.12, “Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning”
"I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to."
-Episode 1.17, “The Fighting Irish”
"My license is missing, which is my cue to go home."
-Episode 5.15, "It's Never Too Late for Now"
"I just wish I could start a relationship about 12 years in, when you really don't have to try anymore, and you can just sit around together and goof on TV shows, and then go to bed without anybody trying any funny business."
-Episode 3.4, "Gavin Volure"
"It OK. Don't be cry."
-Episode 5.1, "The Fabian Strategy"
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