"I hate January. It’s dark and freezing and everyone’s wearing bulky coats. You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless."
-Episode 4.11, “Winter Madness”
"If I could push a button and five people in the world would die, but I'd get free cable for life, I'd do it."
-Episode 5.15, "Reaganing"
"You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?"
-Episode 6.5, "Today You Are a Man"
"If I have learned anything from my Sims family: when a child doesn’t see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself."
-Episode 3.21, "Mamma Mia"
"You can try to change New York, but it’s like Jay-Z says: concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there’s nothing you can do."
-Episode 6.8, "The Tuxedo Begins"
"If I can't poop in the street, why should my tax dollars pay for someone else to?"
-Episode 5.14, "Double-Edged Sword"