The Safety First Guy
You’ll likely see this guy riding in the bike lane, looking very smug about his $1000 ass padding budget. He rocks spandex everything and a gargantuan helmet because he’s probably a dad and wants to set a good example for Junior/be alive to see his kids grow into safety-obsessed adults. WHATEVER. CONGRATS ON YOUR MIRACLE.
You’ll spot him cruising through Park Slope, the Upper West Side, or another regularly street-cleaned, cupcake-saturated neighborhood. He's probably on his way to junior's PTA meeting, or junior's soccer game, or junior's MATHlete tournament (CONGRATS TO JUNIOR, TOO, WE GUESS).
Not to say he doesn't know what's up. When he's heading to work, he carries a convertible messenger backpack, and he can strap it on while he rides then use it as a messenger bag at the office. And while he may have gone overboard on the headgear, he still wants to fit in at PTA, so he rocks a Levi’s Commuter Hooded Trucker Jacket. It's designed with an on-off snap closure for easy removal and a packable hood for chillier rides through Midtown or Bushwick, where he goes to feel young again.