5 Types of Cyclists You Meet on an NYC Bike Path

The Safety First Guy

You’ll likely see this guy riding in the bike lane, looking very smug about his $1000 ass padding budget. He rocks spandex everything and a gargantuan helmet because he’s probably a dad and wants to set a good example for Junior/be alive to see his kids grow into safety-obsessed adults. WHATEVER. CONGRATS ON YOUR MIRACLE.

You’ll spot him cruising through Park Slope, the Upper West Side, or another regularly street-cleaned, cupcake-saturated neighborhood. He's probably on his way to junior's PTA meeting, or junior's soccer game, or junior's MATHlete tournament (CONGRATS TO JUNIOR, TOO, WE GUESS).

Not to say he doesn't know what's up. When he's heading to work, he carries a convertible messenger backpack, and he can strap it on while he rides then use it as a messenger bag at the office. And while he may have gone overboard on the headgear, he still wants to fit in at PTA, so he rocks a Levi’s Commuter Hooded Trucker Jacket. It's designed with an on-off snap closure for easy removal and a packable hood for chillier rides through Midtown or Bushwick, where he goes to feel young again.

The Tourists

Tourist-Citibiker dude can frequently be seen flying/wobbling down the wrong side of the street with a map clutched in his fist and an iPad tucked in his armpit, all while he snaps a selfie of himself "holding" the Empire State Building in the palm of his hand.

He's probably heading to Central Park, doing his best Frogger impression as he crosses Houston during rush hour, or practically peeing himself with excitement (and because he doesn't know where good public toilets are) in line at Magnolia. He's SUCH a Carrie. This dude is the reason we escape to the Hamptons every summer weekend. But no hard feelings. We're thanking him from our yachts.  

But the guy tries to fit in and dress like a New Yorker. He's got buttery suede Marc New York Stanton Chukkas locked into those bike pedals. He's rocking a pair of Levi’s Commuter 511 Slim Fit Jeans or Trouser Pants, which almost offsets the branded bicycle deathtrap he's riding. (Besides, if he gives up, Levi's performance fabrics work just as well on a double-decker bus seat as they do a bike seat.) Both pants come with reflective tape inside the cuffs for increased visibility and a hip holster that holds a bike lock, and they’re water-resistant and dirt repellant too.

The Millennial

You’ll probably see this guy at 3 am on Bedford Ave. On a $1000 fixie. He accessorizes himself with forced pretension and such a cool smoking habit. Because said fixie doesn’t come with sensible hand brakes, you’ll probably then see this dude crashing into shrubberies, pedestrians, and to the Endless Summer taco truck (THE HUMANITY!). You'll try to avoid him, but he rides his bike everywhere because, duh, it's better for CO2 levels, man.

What? What's that you say? We're Millennials too? We shouldn't barf all over our own generation? Fine. Here's a compliment. Though this miscreant constantly tries to roll cigarettes atop his cute bike, at least he looks awesome in a rugged, trendy, and perfectly-Kurt-Cobain-esque flannel from Free Nature paired with Levi's Commuter Collection Cargo Pants. Homeboy's got extra pockets for his iPhone, wallet, flask, and a copy of Infinite Jest.

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