Corrine Is the Craziest Bachelor Contestant Ever, and Here's the Proof
Does yanking your top off on your first date and making a mostly naked man Janet Jackson your boobs AUTOMATICALLY make you crazy? Absolutely not! But even Neil Lane's assistant, who says nice things about everyone, would have to admit there's definitely a chance that Corrine is totally Patrick Swayze (which is apparently Cockney for "crazy"), or even Chicken Jalfrezi (which is Cockney for "crazy", and, somehow, better than "Patrick Swayze").
Let's review the evidence.
Points to Crazy: Corrine Took That Top Off!
Remember that? Corrine was very upset that Brittany got selected to hit the fake-marriage assembly line without a shirt on, and so she yanked her bikini right off and planted her boobs into Nick's abdomen like they were Russian Mir capsules docking at the International Space Station, and she reallllly wanted to make sure the seal was tight so everyone didn't die in a horrific space accident. Then she grabbed Nick's hands and placed them on her breasts, which most likely has never, ever happened in the International Space Station.
Points to Maybe Not Crazy: She Kept Her Bottoms On
Although there is precious little recorded evidence to show it...
Points to Crazy: Her Relentless One-on-One-Time Interruptions
There are always people who refuse to make themselves active time-with-the-Bachelor-getters, then complain and complain about how they didn't get enough time, before getting sent home. Now, is Marky Mark from the 1996 thriller Fear one of these people? No, of course not -- he has literally UNLIMITED time, because all clocks in 1996 were analog and didn't have glass faces, so he could just turn them back however the damn hell he pleased.
But this year's crew, or at least the ones on the first Group Date, oh, they were hearty; they fought. One fought hardest, however, and it was Corrine, who took 1) Nick away first, immediately, and didn't even talk before making out with him, 2) came back for more while he was with Dolphin Shark Girl, told her "I'm interrupting you," forced Nick to take what appeared to be a Lemon Drop shot, and made out with him, then 3) came back AGAIN, while Taylor was telling the world how she graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Hopkins at age negative-12, and made out with him once more.
The best part of Corrine so far is how she's poured gallons of paint thinner all over the show's shopworn niceties, like saying that you're "stealing them," when in fact, you are doing exactly what she says she's doing: interrupting the shit out of you. I'm borderline amazed that she doesn't also announce follow-up explanation like "to gain a mental advantage over you, skank" or "because I know you own a romper from Old Navy and Nick deserves better than that." It also proves that she's completely out of her mind -- societal mores exist for a reason, and the people who defy them are either called bold, insane, or Corrine.
Points to Maybe Not Crazy: Um, She Got the Date Rose
So... something's working. Although possibly only because Nick, like every other man in her life, is outright terrified of not giving Corrine exactly what she wants at all times.
Points to Crazy: She Refuses to Reveal the True Nature of Her Multi-Million-Dollar Business
Corrine keeps loudly pronouncing that she "runs a multi-million-dollar company," but she's been loath to reveal exactly what it is. Which sounds weird, because if it were something she thought was cool, and was proud of -- like, say, a prostitution ring -- she would absolutely be telling everyone about it, to get some good old fashioned Bachelor PR, but also just to have another thing to say. So it's odd that she doesn't...
But I know what it is! Now, if it weren't just over an hour past the point where his daughter made a known TV Bad Man squeeze her mammaries like so many novelty stress toys, I would have called Corrine's dad to verify TMZ's reporting on this. But hey, they're pretty good -- and found out that Corrine's multi-million-dollar business is basically selling floors for garages.
That's right -- Armor Garage! They started out with humble beginnings and have grown into one of the country's leading supplier of high performance premium grade epoxy coatings and flooring products. Also, everything they manufacture and sell direct to you is either heavy duty or extra heavy duty, that is our mantra, make everything to last as long as physically possible! And finally, they may not be the most popular website, but we feel that we are the most detail-orientated and certainly the website with the best products of its kind.
Points to Maybe Not Crazy: The Fact That You Would Definitely Buy an Armor Granite Garage Floor Epoxy Kit from Her
I mean, hell, it's self-leveling, skid-resistant, impact-resistant, chemical- and salt-resistant, and at 23 mils thick, it's more than twice as thick as our closest competitor, and over 10 times thicker than store-bought garage flooring epoxy kits!
So, How Crazy Is She?
Despite the headline that got you into this story, at this point, I'm honestly not sure we can say whether or not Corrine measures up to All-Time Crazy Greats like Courtney, Olivia, and Lace in Your Face. The best part, though, is that I'm pretty sure we're just getting started.
Previews seem to reveal that she bangs or at least really tries to bang Nick well before the Fantasy Bang Suite, the place where the banging is deemed OK to happen by God and Chris Harrison (God's stage name). And her sobriety began to show serious slippage in this episode (shots!!!), which seems to foretell future meltdowns and throwdowns and, smart money would wager, pants-downs.
Corrine isn't going anywhere anytime soon, and she's got the roses and the Armor Chip Epoxy Flooring to prove it. Now she's just gotta stay vigilantly not-sane, and we've got ourselves a season, folks.
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