"My [adult film] script would be like, 'Alright, you pick up this girl in Los Angeles, and you drop her off at this restaurant called Animal. And she orders the hamachi tostada, the poutine, the rabbit legs, and the strawberry poundcake. And they bring her everything and she goes, “Oh my God, this looks so good. And she eats everything, there's not a bite left. And she's like, 'Wow, that was delicious. Maybe the best meal I've had all year.' RealLifeDickParty.com!”
-- Aziz Ansari: Dangerously Delicious
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Lee Breslouer is a senior writer for Thrillist, and once saw Aziz perform in a basement. Follow him to celebrity worship at: @LeeBreslouer.