With the recent release of his 13th studio album, Alpocalypse, it was high time we sat down with the Awesomely Coiffed One to talk Coolio, John Tesh, and some stuff that isn't totally beat.
What percentage of power resides in your hair?
Do you think too many Americans took your statement "You ain't fat, you ain't nothin'!" as a challenge?
Yeah, I feel partially responsible for the obesity epidemic, which is why a couple years later I put out my Cherry Poppin' Daddies' parody "Grapefruit Diet".
In the video for "Eat It", did you ever pull that fat guy through that manhole, or is he still stuck in the sewer?
I think he still may be there. They keep feeding him three times a day, but it is kind of sad.
How do you feel about being the only guy featured on VH1's Behind The Music that hasn't died or been through rehab?
That was a tough one for them to do, because I didn't have any dramatic character arc where 35 minutes in they could start playing the sad violins and say "And then things went horribly wrong".
Did you ever consider doing a stint in rehab to spice things up?
When I first got the offer I thought maybe I should quickly develop a crack addiction or something, but I just never got around to it because I was busy.
Have you ever been physically threatened by an artist whose song you've parodied?
The closest would've been Coolio. I guess it was kind of a veiled threat.
Is he even alive?
Yes, he is. We've patched things up. It's all water under the bridge and when I met him in person a couple years ago we hugged it out and everything's fine now. There were a few years back in the late '90s when things were a little awkward.
Did you hug it out in a grocery store or something?
We were both going to the same awards show or something, and we were both in first class, and I was hiding behind a newspaper most of the flight.
Do you secretly write non-satirical songs for many of today's top pop artists?
You know I actually toured for several years as Kenny G and nobody could tell the difference. Kenny G is like my Chris Gaines.
Did you get to eat that donut from the cover of Off The Deep End?
I hate to ruin the Hollywood magic but they didn't even have any donuts on the set.
Many people have made the case for your induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. What's the most extreme thing you'd do to get in?
I would probably have one of my internal organs tattooed. It would be a likeness of John Tesh firmly on my spleen.