Two quick facts about me: I'm a Jew and an American. And while the American in me wants to love Christmas, my Jewish side has no context for anything Christmas-related. I've never had a tree in my house. Never hung lights. Never stuffed a stocking. Never, umm, nogged an egg?
I'm a total Grinch, I know. But it's not because I dislike Christmas. I just don't get it. As Seinfeld has probably said at some point, “What's the deal with Christmas?” These 14 things in particular leave me clueless.
Once you decide on plastic or a real tree, aren't they all basically the same? Why do families spend hours picking one? I've spent less time buying a car.
A Christmas Story is about a future NRA member whose Dad wins a sweet lamp. It's a Wonderful Life is 99% depressing. You watch them every year? Granted, rewatching Die Hard is a great use of time, but that's not a Christmas movie, that's a timeless classic that happens to take place on Christmas Eve.
Chanukah is eight nights, so I used to get awesome (but small) gifts each night. Eight presents is a ton! And every year in school, I'd hear about the millions of gifts kids would get for Christmas. It did not seem possible. Did people's parents go broke every December?
Ok, so you get together a bunch of mannequins and put them in front of your house? Then again, it'd be pretty baller if my parents made a mannequin of me absolutely crushing my bar mitzvah speech, and put it in front of their house every year. Gonna steal that idea.