Uber Confessions: The Weirdest Lines Overheard by Uber Drivers

girl in Uber
Shutterstock/ Jennifer Bui/Thrillist

It's 2am and you're getting a ride back from the bar via Uber, everyone's favorite ridesharing app (unless a Lyft is closer). And since it's late and you've knocked a couple back, you're talking freely into your phone and to your date next to you. Hell, you're even talking to your driver as if it's a private conversation between you and your therapist. But your driver doesn't recognize confidentiality, and, while he could just end his night by going to a bar and telling his friends the worst stuff you've been saying, instead he's tweeting it on @UberPassengers. This is your Uber driver's revenge for having to listen to your crap.

Your boobs are 100% authentically fake

Hey, even an armed robbery kind of job is a job

But you also make porn... ?

The Illuminati must be involved too

Daddy definitely went out for cigarettes and never came back

Sharing sexts does not get you a free ride

It's important to acknowledge who supports your gaming addictions

It's not the quantity of the tears that concerns me

Spoken like a man on his fifth marriage

Crimson's such a stuck-up son of a bitch

It's important to question how you'll get to jail before the arrest

Do you know how Uber works?

We just thought you had a friend named Jesse

We're not convinced you didn't smoke before the ride

Generous snobs are the best kind

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Lee Breslouer is a senior writer for Thrillist, and will never trust an Uber driver again. Follow him to taxicab confessions at @LeeBreslouer.