Forget going to your friends for advice on how to text a girl, the true oracles of our time are obviously children.
Cosmopolitan got three extremely wise little girls to give helpless guys advice on how to text women. Even though the girls have never heard of Tinder (which is totally just because it's so over), their sage advice could really benefit everyone.
"What if she's not texting back?" one guy asks, to which one of the girls shouts back, "She'll just text you -- she knows!!"
When asked if guys should include a smiley face at the end of their texts, one of the girls responds very matter-of-factly, "Some men smile, some men don't." It's just the facts. The girls also teach us that FaceTiming a girl you're trying to woo is DEFINITELY too much.
And then there's this fantastic nugget of wisdom, spoken by one of the girls who sounds strikingly similar to Robert De Niro: "If you don't have jokes, you could make one up and you could send it to her. Like 'Knock knock, who's there? Duck.' And then she says 'Duck who?' Maybe you could say 'Duck sandwich.'" This is a surefire way to win a girl over and everyone should try it immediately.
Lucy Meilus is a staff writer for Thrillist and would like these girls to give her advice on everything. Follow her on Twitter at @Lucymeilus and send news tips to email@example.com.