The Weirdest Law in Every State
You won't find any skunk glue here.
The internet was made for lists of the weirdest laws you never knew existed in your state—they’re quirky, they’re fun, and after auditing them, I can tell you they’re about 95% bogus. Most of the popular ones you see on these sorts of lists, like how you can’t shove a moose out of an airplane in Alaska or take a lion to the movies in Maryland, are either completely made-up, long-since repealed, or just cherry-picked from their actual legal context so as to come off as much more catchy than they actually are.
Don’t feel bad if you got suckered in by any of these: approximately 1 billion law firms keep sharing them. And when you get to the core of many of them, what you find is a series of "kooky" legislation rooted in racist/sexist/homophobic/otherwise discriminatory tropes.
But that doesn't mean that there aren't weird, bizarre, and otherwise nonensical laws that are both real and not-awful. In fact, we found them in every state.
AlabamaYou may not impersonate a member of the clergy. Such a misdemeanor could result in actual jail time, and/or a fine of up to $500.
AlaskaThe internet is very excited about all Alaska’s weird moose laws, like the supposed illegality of giving a moose a beer. Unfortunately, those are all old and/or fake, but here’s one that’s still moose-adjacent: If you kill a moose (or any big game animal) no matter the circumstances, you gotta at least try to salvage the meat so people can eat it. Hope you know how to do that.
ArizonaWant to feed garbage to a pig? You’ll need a permit. You can, thankfully, feed your own household garbage to your own pigs without the permit.
ArkansasBecause one of the popular weird laws for a lot of states goes something along the lines of “no honking at sandwich shops at these oddly specific hours on a Sunday,” it is with great joy that I bring you Section 18-55 of Little Rock’s Code of Ordinances—current as of March 2017—which states that “No person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9pm.” (Also, no, it’s not illegal to mispronounce the state’s name. Just discouraged.)
CaliforniaLook, you can have as many frogs for as many frog-jumping contests as you want. But if any of them die, you may not eat them. Go to Oregon if you want to pull that shit.
ColoradoIn Boulder, you are not permitted to roll (or “throw, or otherwise move”) any boulders on any public property. Let the Boulder boulders be.
ConnecticutNo silly string in Southington unless it’s in the privacy of your home. It was apparently quite some journey to get this on the books back in the day, so respect the law and keep your silliness behind closed doors.
DelawareIn Fenwick Island (a town, not technically an island) you can’t tailgate or otherwise picnic around your car between midnight and 6am. Big bummer for Dover's late-night minor-league baseball league, but we're sure this one's pretty easy to abide for everybody else.
FloridaDid you ever think those “Beware of Dog”-type signs had any actual legal function aside from keeping you from scavenging in scrapyards? No, you did not. Turns out, dog owners here are liable if the dog bites you—unless they have a sign displayed on the premises that says “Bad Dog.” Then you’re on your own.
If you're in Illinois and sleepy, stay out of the cheese shop.
GeorgiaStaying on a boat during your time in Georgia? Not for more than 30 days you’re not. You can file for an extension, but it might be simpler to just make other arrangements, such as moving on to another state or just drifting to international waters.
HawaiiA popular weird law for Hawaii was that you could only have one drink in front of you at a time. That one’s actually been repealed, but the law prohibiting you from drinking on the beach still stands. And no, you’re not the first person to think you can get around this by scooting forward a few feet so as to be technically drinking in the ocean.
IdahoContrary to popular belief, it is not illegal to throw snowballs in Rexburg. It is, however, illegal to throw snowballs in such a manner as to really fuck up the person or property.
IllinoisPlan your naps carefully in Illinois, lest you fall asleep in a cheese shop and break the law whilst not even being awake to remember it.
IndianaWays you are not permitted to catch fish in Indiana: With “a firearm.” With “the hands alone.” I do not make these rules, I just report them.
IowaImitation butter cannot be called butter or described with the words “butter,” “creamery,” or “dairy,” nor can you market it with images of dairy cows. It must be marketed as “oleomargarine.” Iowa does not tolerate Fake Butter.
KansasNo swimming or wading in public fountains in Wichita. Sorry, kids. Make those summer memories elsewhere.
KentuckyIt's unlawful to sell those dyed baby chicks you see around Easter, unless of course you… sell them in groups of six or more.
LouisianaYou can’t order goods or services for someone who doesn’t know to expect said goods or services—like ordering someone a surprise pizza. This one had me a bit shook because I’ve done this before, and am not ready to be considered a criminal in the Bayou State.
MaineIn a number of Maine counties, you can’t skateboard on the sidewalks. In Biddeford, at least, the fine is only $10, so if skateboarding on sidewalks is what’s in your heart, you’ll probably be able to afford it.
MarylandGot road rage? Well, keep it PG. Here, you're not allowed to utter any profanity while driving. Or, more specifically, while “near any street, sidewalk or highway within the hearing of persons passing by, upon or along such street, sidewalk, or highway.” So no profanity while driving, even if some nogoodnick cuts you off on the hecking expressway.
MassachusettsYou can’t give alcohol to a hospital patient if they’ve been hospitalized for something alcohol-related—unless it’s been prescribed by a (particularly awesome) doctor. Same thing goes for drugs.
MichiganHope you’re not traveling through the state by train, because you’ll need to do that sober. If you want to be tipsy on a train, you’ll just have to wait till you’re back in some other state that cares less about these things.
MinnesotaNo contests where the point is to chase and catch a pig—"greased, oiled, or otherwise." You also may not throw turkeys or chickens in the air with the intent to catch them. No word on whether you’re allowed to chase or throw any of the above without the intent to catch them.
MississippiIf you disturb a church service in Mississippi, you can get yourself citizen’s-arrested.
MissouriIn Jefferson County you can hold a garage sale only between the hours of 7am and 8pm. And it can’t last more than three days. And you can’t hold more than two per year. If you do happen to patronize a legally compliant garage sale and score a bow and some arrows, though, there’s a bit more latitude when it comes to the laws about target practice within city limits.
MontanaIf you start performing onstage, you are committing to finishing that performance on stage—you can’t abandon it mid-song. I came upon many strange and wondrous things while researching for this article, and the absolute strangest and most wondrous-est was the account of the 1987 court case that followed burlesque dancer Jimmy Lee Laedeke’s violation of this ordinance. Each minute you spend reading it counts as a minute of self-care.
NebraskaI suppose it’s best for your health in the long run, but in Nebraska you cannot purchase a cocktail that mixes liquor and beer. 2012 cocktail trends clearly have no place in the Cornhusker State.
NevadaIf you’ve ever been skiing or snowboarding, you know that it’s a weird tradition in lots of places to throw Mardi Gras-style beads or similar festive litter from the chairlift into nearby trees. Sit that out in Nevada; it’s illegal to throw anything from a chairlift here.
New HampshireMultiple counties in New Hampshire have outlawed picnics in cemeteries. Seems you’re allowed to have take that midnight car picnic you couldn’t take in Delaware, though, so everything balances out in the end.
New York tigers will not sanction your selfies.
New JerseyNew Jersey is the last state where you’re not allowed to pump your own gas. Chris Christie once tried to blame this on women, but it’s divisive enough that you can probably find the scapegoat of your choice. Anyway, stay in your car when you’re filling up in Jersey. You don’t have to tip the person who comes out to pump your gas, but a buck or two is always nice.
New MexicoIt is an actual petty misdemeanor to misuse the national or state anthems (“O Fair New Mexico” being the latter here). Not a ton of specifics on what “misuse” means though. Karaoke?
New YorkNo tiger selfies. No selfies with any big cats, actually. It’s for your own protection but also the well-being of the animals, who are probably zonked on tranquilizers.
North CarolinaIf you want to play more than 10 hours of bingo per week, you’ll need to find yourself a bingo exhibition. Otherwise, bingo-enthusiasts are in violation of the state’s gambling statutes.
North DakotaIdeally you’re not the sort of person who deals with annoying pigeons by… killing those pigeons, but in case you are, know that you need to get a pigeon-killing permit first.
OhioIn no way are we encouraging you to do crimes, but apparently those who commit some of the relatively less-serious crimes in Ohio can’t be arrested on a Sunday or on July 4. Unless you’re… on a river… ?
OklahomaYou. Yes, you. Paying attention? Good. No making glue out of dead skunks.
OregonYou are not permitted to throw your poop out of a moving car in Oregon. Don’t even think about leaving a container of pee on the side of the highway, either, unless you also want to hand the state $250.
PennsylvaniaOne of the popular-but-fake-sounding weird laws for Pennsylvania is that you can’t catch a fish with your mouth. Because I care, I went deep into the Gettysburg Times archives and found, from 2010, a reference to what is apparently still a very real law forbidding you from catching a fish in your mouth. Sometimes the internet is good.
Just ask Ozzy Osbourne about the Texas law.
Rhode IslandYou know when you’re out driving a horse and just want to test how fast it can go? Do not brag about this capability in front of Rhode Islanders, who must spend the rest of their lives wondering. Horse-speed-testing is not permitted there.
South CarolinaAre you 18 or older? Congratulations: You may legally play pinball in South Carolina. No pinball for South Carolina’s minors, who must find other outlets for their angst.
South DakotaIn Huron, South Dakota, it is unlawful to cause static. At least, it’s illegal between 7am and 11pm. After 11pm, yeah, go nuts, I guess.
TennesseeThis is devastating, but it’s important that we spread the word before anyone gets in trouble. In Tennessee, you may not use someone else’s Netflix account.
TexasDo not pee on the Alamo. You are specifically not allowed to pee on the Alamo. Texas will make you regret peeing on the Alamo. Just ask Ozzy Osbourne.
UtahIn Utah, you can’t buy alcohol during an emergency. This is because no one can sell alcohol during an emergency.
VermontPut up clotheslines wherever you want, I guess. In Vermont, they’re considered devices that run on solar power, and you can’t obstruct the installation of renewable energy tech.
VirginiaThe people of Virginia really hate raccoons. While in the state, you’re prohibited from killing any “nuisance species” before 1pm or after sunset on Sundays -- except raccoons, which you may continue to kill up until 2am on Sunday mornings.
West Virginia has an honest-to-goodness swear jar.