When life gets complicated, people often look to a higher power for answers, whether it's Jesus, or just smoking the be-Him out of a huge blunt with Bill Murray. For direction from a power who's probably higher than you right now, read What Would Matthew McConaughey Do?
Inspired by the author's pal's real-life WWMMD moment, this Dear Abby-style service cherry-picks woeful submissions, and responds with wisdom in the poetic and thoughtful manner that Mr. McConaughey himself sure would had he more Time To Kill. A sampling:
Q: I'm trying to decide between beard and no beard. Girls seem to like me both ways. Any ideas? A: If you decide to stick with the beard, braid it. If you decide to shave, braid it. If you decide to do both, braid it. Like a challah. Mmm. Challah.
Q: I think my testicle is inflamed. What should I do? I don't have health insurance. A: My sympathies. Vice once published a brilliant spread on performing surgery at home. I recommend picking up a copy. June 2004 from what I recall. Alternatively, have you tried ice? Aspirin? The gentle stroke of a familiar hand?
Q: What's with those stupid Dolce & Gabbana ads? A: That was simply a money grab. But in my defense...I donated the proceeds in their entirety to Wadham College at Oxford where a scholarship is now available to transgendered students from Burkina Faso and Mauritius.
To support the endeavor, they're also selling silicone wristbands aptly emblazoned with "W.W.M.M.D?", which, in the case of that wristband, is probably "figure out a way to smoke out of it".
This Sport Takes Ice Skating to Extreme Heights