New Orleans might be known for its amazing second lines, and its iconic second courses, but we’re not here to give out silver medals, no sir -- these are the things the glorious Crescent does better than anywhere...
Sure, there might be fancier, more exotic or ambitious restaurants in other cities, but they’ll never have the outstanding service we grow at home. People will follow their favorite waiter or bartender if s/he makes a move, no matter where it is.
Twerking may have its roots in African tribal rituals, but nobody bounces a booty like NOLA. Nice try, Miley.
They are monsters. They will end you.
4. “Make groceries”
Sourcing organic, local ingredients has been a trend in NOLA for nearly three centuries.
Not “feasting”, though we certainly do that, too. “Fest” is a verb in NOLA, because you’ll be doing it pretty much every weekend, whether it’s celebrating traditional jazz, seafood, tomatoes, wine, rubber ducks, you name it, we’ll throw a festival for it.
Give us a regular word, and we’ll find a way to mangle it into incomprehensibility. Doubly so if that word is a street name.
Whether it’s “Drunk #1” and “Drunk #2” in the French Quarter or tees celebrating local pride, we’ll put just about anything on a t-shirt. And actually wear it.
8. Frozen booze
From rum rummers to 150 Octanes and Jungle Juice, no one makes a daiquiri like New Orleans. You can even get one at the drive-through!
9. Beignets and buttermilk drops
Don’t even try to beat them. Just... don’t.
Other cities might technically have more drinking establishments numerically, but only NOLA leads the pack in the far more important bars-per-capita category.
11. Day drinking
No matter the time of day, week, or year, there will always be a cold one nearby. And yeah, it’s perfectly legal to enjoy it outside. Take that, other cities!
12. Breed musicians
Hell, we breed entire genres/musical art forms.
13. Fry things
If you’re going to be a cook in NOLA, you won’t get very far unless you know how to perfectly fry oysters, shrimp, soft shells, and pretty much anything that will fit into a tank of hot fat.
And not just during Carnival season, either. Want a five-person parade for your bachelor party with a band and police escort? Done.
16. Look good in black and gold
They’re power colors, and they make pretty much anyone look sexy as hell. WHO DAT!
Oh, you have a tiny little bivalve with an exotic name for $4 apiece? That’s adorable. How about a dozen of the fattest, cleanest, coldest oysters around for less than dollar per? Yeah, we prefer that, too.
18. Hurricane parties
If a storm’s headed our way, stocking up on hooch is as important as batteries, fresh water, and TP.
20. Sports tourism
If your team is going to play somewhere, it’s always better for them to do it in NOLA. The Crescent City is tied with Miami for number of Super Bowls hosted, and would have taken the lead until Minneapolis recently decided to build a new stadium. You know you’d rather go to a Super Bowl in NOLA than the Twin Cities, though. Admit it.
Fact: New Orleans is the fastest growing city in the United States. Ya heard!
22. Fatten you up
If you visit NOLA and you don’t leave at least 5lbs heavier than when you arrived, you’re doing something seriously wrong.
“Where y’at, brah”? It’s a question of philosophical significance, not geography.
24. Marching bands
Many of the great musicians in New Orleans got their start in a school marching band, and ours are still better than yours. Don’t even try to argue. Especially not with the St. Aug Purple Knights.
More than a few people wondered why New Orleans should even bother repairing our city after Hurricane Katrina. New Orleans failed to agree, and the city is better now than it’s ever been. And if she gets knocked around again, we’ll be there to stand her back up. Always.
26. Make movies
"But, uh... Hollywood?", you rightly ask. Well, sorry L.A., but LA is where it's at these days.