16 reasons to take that amNewYork this morning

Since you're mad busy during your morning commute avoiding eye contact (with anyone, at all costs), you usually don't have time to grab the amNewYork that the dude outside the subway is waving in your face. Well today, you're gonna make time, and these are 16 reasons why

1. You can use it as a guard against whatever that sticky sh*t on the only available seat is

2. Camaraderie with other, totally cool peeps that're "in the know"

3. Your phone's dead. And so is your iPad. And your Kindle. And your Amazon Fire. And your Game Gear

4. You can read it and feel totally smug when the PA announcement suggests you put away your electronic devices

5. Use it as a napkin for when you're eating one of these 10 foods that are TOTALLY okay to eat on the subway

6. You can crumple it up and stuff it in your ears when someone starts playing music out loud on their phone

7. Dare yourself to try and flip the pages while the train is going through a particularly rocky turn; feel accomplished that you didn't fall

8. The stone-cold solid advice of Mr Dad: Get that flu shot

9. You're totally out of lining for your ferret's cage

10. When the train gets crowded, you can try to demarcate more space by holding the paper at an exaggerated length in front of you and acting really engrossed in it

11. You can wrap it around your super-hot coffee

12. Paper hats

13. Paper... pants

14. You'll never get caught awkwardly reading someone else's over their shoulder

15. Can your iPad be rolled up and used to fight off rats? Or mole people??? Didn't think so

16. You can use it to block your sightline of the coworker you see every morning but don't want to talk to until you absolutely have to.