The 20 worst people you'll see in every NYC elevator
There's a 100% chance you've been on an elevator if you live in NYC, so you're probably familiar with the special kind of stress that careening through a shaft in a 5x5ft box with half of NYC can induce. You're also probably familiar with these 20 people, who somehow all end up in your elevator for every single ride. No exceptions.
1. The guy who gets to your empty elevator just as the door is closing, and jams himself in
Which on its own, isn't the worst, but then like 30 people always manage to come in after him.
2. The boisterous group of coworkers
Who become totally silent when you walk in.
3. The dude who is just coming back from a smoke break
He may as well have just cranked down a 120 in the elevator.
4. The guy who hits the button for the second floor
Stairs. They exist.
5. The person who works at your company, but doesn’t recognize you
And proceeds to talk poop about a bunch of people you know.
6. The confused old person who’s clearly in the wrong building
Unless they actually do work for Buzzfeed.
7. The guy whose headphones are playing way too loudly and has no idea
You may love listening to Ruben Studdard at 8:30am, but we do not.
8. The custodian with more buckets and mops than any singular person could feasibly operate
It's probably best you don't know where he's going with those.
9. The famous person you have to pretend not to recognize (Editor’s Note: We’re looking at you, Denis Leary)
Actually we aren't looking at you, Denis Leary, because we're playing it cool, remember?
10. The person who’s getting on while talking on the phone
And says, “I’m getting on the elevator, but I can still talk.”
11. The guy who laughs at your conversation
... That he’s clearly been eavesdropping on.
12. The people who have also discovered you can use the freight elevator to get to your office, too
You irrationally hate them. This is YOUR secret that everyone knows about!
13. The person who presses the “Close Door” button the split-second someone exits
And of course causes the door to hit them and then spring back open half the time.
14. The person who is ENGROSSED by the elevator TV
See No. 6.
15. The girls talking about The XX show they saw last night
They stayed out SOOOOO late, even though it’s a weeknight. They also just said "YOLO". IS THIS 2012 WE’RE LIVING IN?
16. The guy who clearly thinks you’re the dude behind Goldman Sachs Elevator
Even though they found out he actually lives in Texas or something.
17. The person with a ton of bags
Online shopping. Do that.
18. The guy who’s going down from 10 to 6
And you start to follow him off because you thought you were in the lobby, and he makes some flippant joke like “hold your horses”, and you wish that he would get trampled by those horses.
19. The dude who thinks the fact that his bike folds up to a SLIGHTLY smaller profile means that it belongs in this elevator
It does not.
20. The hot girl you’ve never seen before
And you will never see again.
Adam Lapetina is a food/drink staff writer at Thrillist, and was totally kidding about that whole "freight elevator" thing. Read his musings on Twitter at @adamlapetina.