Still, about 80% of Kerner’s patients are couples struggling with desire issues, arousal issues, and orgasm issues because they aren’t talking about it with each other. “A lot of couples worry about their partners using porn or having a hyper-sexual behavior. You would think in New York in 2015 young couples would be more open about watching porn together, or discussing porn, but there’s still a lot of Victorianism and shame, and very often it’s not necessarily the sexual behavior that is the problem, but more just the shame and secrecy that shrouds it,” Kerner says.
Essentially, the idea of doing it doggy-style, or watching some other people do it doggy-style, or bringing your long-harbored fantasy for table sex with a construction worker or sex in the shower with your French maid, is going unsaid. But why?!?! Missionary is great and all, but it’s also kind of like going to Tasti D-Lite every single day. Sure, it tastes good and you get that sweet, necessary fix. But you’ve already heard about Big Gay Ice Cream. YOU KNOW IT EXISTS! And over there they sell the Salty Pimp. Sure, it’s unconventional and ridiculously caloric, but it just tastes So. Much. Better. Tasti D is fine too, or whatever. “What I do with couples is create a kind of dialog where they can share their fantasies and concerns and not be inhibited by this Victorian mindset,” Kerner says.