Along with about 15 other intrepid souls, we settle into a dark room for a presentation. I try to focus on some of the totally-not-terrifying points they're making, like how they have the world's largest collection of spiders at the museum, or how spiders pre-date dinosaurs, or how they live on every continent other than Antarctica.
But then, every so often, they slip in shit like this:
1. Spiders usually eat their prey by paralyzing them with their venom then regurgitating digestive juices into their bodies, that then dissolve them from the inside out. Then the spider essentially slurps them up like a slurpy.
2. While only 20 species of spiders are poisonous to humans, 40-75% of the species of spiders on the planet Earth haven’t been discovered yet. Now I’m not a scientist, but I’m pretty sure that means that 100% of those could be poisonous dickheads.
None of this sets me at ease, and my attention drifts to a conspicuous container under the presentation desk (that can't be good) and to the fact that I'm in a dark room that right this very second is probably surrounded by spiders that escaped their containers and are crawling into my computer bag right now. I legitimately start to convince myself that maybe Antarctica isn't really that bad.
I was right, the container under the table ISN'T GOOD. It contains a Chilean rose hair tarantula named Jackie. I guess Shelob or Kyra The One Who Consumes were taken.
The presenter impressively keeps her cool and answers questions as The One Who Consumes fidgets and climbs the walls of her container, trying to "escape." HAHAHAHA hilarious joke, scientist.
We're invited up to look at her. I get closer to a giant spider than I am comfortable getting. I ask our charming presenter to shoot a video. And since Jackie can feel my hate towards her, she stops moving and sits there, boringly.
I'm now free to tour the rest of the exhibit. Yay?
I catch up with the funnel web grass spider, the Mexican red knee, and the Goliath bird-eater. They are horrible. I also swing by the tailless whip spider (which looks like that bug from Harry Potter that they Cruciatus Curse in Goblet of Fire), and also the giant vinegaroon, "which can spray a foul-smelling vinegar-like chemical from its abdomen if disturbed," which honestly... the fuck?