In a city like New York, where we spend a very good portion of our time dead broke, underground, and/or having strangers plunder our personal space, awkwardness is bound to be a part of the conversation. Chances are, you’ve found yourself in one, two, or a hot, sloppy combo of all of these charming New York moments.
1. Saying goodbye to a coworker, then weirdly walking to the same subway station as them
This may actually be the worst thing in the world.
2. Anything on the subway
Someone’s hand is inching dangerously close to yours on the pole. You see it slipping at an alarming rate and you know soon there will be skin-to-skin and now you're freaking out because if you adjust they’re going to know you’re wildly uncomfortable and that you also hate their hand. Also, that guy is exposing himself and someone just yelled “It’s Show Time, ladies and gentlemen!” and now you want to die.
3. Your friend had bedbugs six months ago
And you’re running out of excuses as to why you still can’t come over.
4. A "B" rating at your favorite restaurant
You’re still going to eat there (and it will still be delicious)... but you’re just not going to tell anyone.
5. Walking past the clipboard people
They make you feel like an asshole because they force you to say you don’t have time for a lengthy sidewalk conversation about the environment and/or abused children.
6. Experimental art shows in Bushwick
I love it?... or wait... no, I meant I hate it? Or actually I love it? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL?!?
7. Making eye contact with panhandlers
You have at least $25 in small change in your pocket or the bottom of your purse at all times, but you really, really need it for laundry.
8. Asking someone from out of town what they pay in rent
This doesn’t happen ANYWHERE else in the country. And now they’ve exited the conversation and you’re alone, pretending you’re texting someone and not actually looking at Instagram.
9. The Walk of Shame, obviously
You aren’t discreetly slipping into your car at 6am after a one-night stand, still wearing your miniskirt, hair askew, and missing a contact lens. You are hobbling to the subway, letting the broad daylight bask in your hot messiness. Everyone knows what you did and yes, they are judging you -- and you would do the same.
10. Sexual harassment advisories on the subway
Where else in the country do we need to be publicly reminded that the morning commute is an inappropriate time to get to second base with a stranger?
11. Having a roommate at 40
And your apartment will still be tiny so you will hear everything that roommate is doing. Everything.
12. Seeing someone you know on the opposite subway platform
What is the appropriate amount of time to make eye contact and politely wave before you can put your headphones in and stare down the tunnel for the next train?
13. The guy in McCarren Park who walks his rabbit on a leash
14. Whenever out-of-towners ask you about landmarks in your own city and you have no idea
You have never been to Ellis Island. Ever.
15. Breaking up with someone who lives far away
It’s not them... it’s just that they’re really not worth eight subway stops in February.
16. Staten Island
Seriously, what is this?
17. Learning someone actually died from falling into a sidewalk cellar
We’ve all joked about it... but stuff like this actually happens.
18. “Please swipe again” OR “Insufficient fare”
It’s 8:30am and now everyone hates you.
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Meagan Drillinger is a freelance writer for Thrillist. It took her a really long time to admit to people that she doesn’t like pancakes or board games. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram at @drillinjourneys.