Have you seen this "comically mustachioed" Long Island bank robber?
So, some guy robbed a bank on Long Island wearing a fake mustache, which is kinda funny... and then the New York Post -- in a way only The Post could -- wrote a pun-filled story about it, brilliantly headlined, "Cops hunt for comically mustachioed bank robber". Which is hilarious.
"A robber walked into a Long Island bank looking more like a 1970s porn star than a menacing thug," The Post wrote, "until he whipped out a handgun and held up the joint."
According to The Post, the Mike Ditka look-alike thief walked into a Bank of America in Hicksville on Monday and performed the stickup in broad daylight, making out with an envelope stuffed with cash.
"The suspect wore dark sunglasses, " The Post went on, "tight black gloves and a Yankees baseball cap — plus a really cheesy fake mustache to match his apparent wig."
The article also mentions a pair of other robberies that are related only because the robbers wore funny costumes: one in which the suspect was described as being "dressed like a construction worker" and another was said to be wearing a "camouflage bucket hat". Because why not.
This should all come as a fair warning to anyone looking to rob a bank in New York. First, if you're going to wear a disguise looking like Keith Hernandez, remember that he played for the Mets, not the Yankees. Second, if you're going to look ridiculous (we're assuming the camouflage bucket hat was also absurd looking) while robbing a bank, just know that you'll be the focal point of some major shade throwing by The Post. And then you'll probably go to jail while we laugh at you.
Never change, New York Post.