Below are two things happening in New York City this week. I want you, fellow Gothamite, to tell me which seems more significant. Ready? Alright, here we go:
1) Snow & ice are causing sparks in subterranean power utilities, which are, themselves, causing explosions that are sending cast iron manhole covers saucering at pedestrians’ heads.
2) A middle-aged New York couple might be moving to Los Angeles with their young child.
Which seems more important to your life, New Yorker? Take your time; I’ll wait.
If you answered something along the lines of “Exploding manholes?! Because of snow & ice?! But that stuff is everywhere! Sweet Christ on a Cronut, we’re doomed!”, then congratulations: your priorities are very squarely in order. Call your mom, make peace with the deity of your choice, and die bravely, New Yorker. If, even for a fraction of a second, you deliberated over this quandary, you’re either a Jay Z apologist, a Beyonce superfan, or a delusional, star-humping combination of the two. Please find a particularly snowy manhole cover and stand on it, because New York is ashamed of you.