Lifestyle

22 things that happen when you move to an outer borough

Andrew Zimmer

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but definitely... in two days, you're gonna consider moving to an outer borough. I know, because I spent five loud, crowded, crazy-expensive years in Manhattan before changing area codes (Astoria, Queens FTW!). Here's what happens when you actually do it.

1. You'll have so much more space!
A window! A closet for your clothes (not your bed)! Whoa, is that a kitchen table??? There’s so much more room for activities!

2. And MONEY!!!
Your rent is cheaper! Artisanal iced coffee is slightly cheaper! And groceries are definitely cheaper -- I bought a pint of raspberries for $1. One. Dollar.

3. And time to read!... ?
Whether it’s a subway commute to work or just to see a friend who hasn't made the move out, you'll finally be able to get through that entire Goosebumps book.

4. You’ll make more neighborhood friends
There are just a lot fewer bars/cafes, which means you're gonna actually recognize your neighbors/the regulars.

5. And enjoy little luxuries...
... like a reasonably priced massage (not that kind) or a grocery store that's not packed with a zillion people who just got reasonably priced massages (still not that kind).

6. You’ll be more willing to take longer trips
And consider punching people who complain about Brooklyn being SO FAR. Suck it up, people.

7. You’ll become besties with a friend who has a decently sized place in Manhattan
Because aggressively sleeping on a floor/balcony/pile of pizza at 4am on a Saturday is going to seem like a much better option than risking falling asleep in a cab or waiting for the L/G/7/Q (which probably isn’t going to show up anyway).

8. You'll actually call your far-away friends again
Because Skyping your bros in DC or Chicago or Paris is so much easier than spending time on the MTA just so that you can see real people. FaceTime cocktail party, anyone?

9. Plus have an entirely new set of favorite spots
Because the best ramen shop/coffee co-op/beer bar is always the closest one.

10. And, whoa, new perspective
Manhattan has a way of making you blind to the outside world.

11. You'll find out pretty fast if you're a true Manhattanite
You're either gonna realize that you can live without that 20x20sqft studio that's marginally closer to six Starbucks, five bars, and Duane Reades in a "cooler" part of the city, or you can't. And if you can't, you're gonna move back.

12. You'll spend all of your new money on cabs
Or Ubers. And you'll have train delays, re-routes, and generally sketchy 3am walks to thank for it.

13. And a 30-day unlimited MetroCard
If you never had one before, expect to dish out the extra $112 a month for swipes into the city.

14. Even though you still live in New York City, you’ll start referring to Manhattan as "the city" 
... and you’ll hate yourself just a little bit for it.

15. You won't be able to find a place to throw out that sandwich wrapper you're holding
That's because there are far fewer street corner trash cans.

16. You'll start packing "for the day"
There’s no going back home to change your underwear after work (what do you mean you don't do that?), or dropping off a laptop, or charging your phone.

17. Your friends will forget about you
Since you moved out of the city. Even though you didn't.

18. You'll use Google Maps constantly
Crap, there's no grid system out here?

19. The first time it rains spontaneously, you'll be screwed
'Cause there aren't dudes on every street corner selling umbrellas in the outer boroughs.

20. You'll actually get some sleep
And won't eat nearly as much 2am sushi.

21. You’ll see a lot more kids around
Especially in the Summer when they don’t have school to keep them occupied.

22. Your FOMO will be at an all-time high
Happy hours aren't 10-minutes away anymore, which means at any minute, you might have to call off that cool thing you're going to in Manhattan.

Melissa Kravitz is a New York City writer who is most comfortable with chopsticks in one hand and a pen in the other. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.