I really don’t need to list for you the thousands upon thousands of things that we could do together in New York, so let me just ask if you’re fully taking advantage of this city. Have you snuck into a rooftop pool, raved until 6am in some warehouse in Gowanus, eaten something (ANYTHING) from a truck, taken the bus to the Catskills for a day of hiking, hit the Tribeca Film Festival... or are we watching SportsCenter and ordering in Papa John’s EVERY night like they do in... Akron, OH or anywhere else that is not New York City?
Do you have a sense of humor? New York is hard, so I hope we can laugh as much as possible. Do you have a thick skin? Someone will usually always be better than you at something so either get over it or try harder. Are you driven? Everyone hates their job sometimes. But how long will you endure it before you go do something you love? Are you spontaneous and do you have a passport? Because JFK is like... right there. Just saying. Is everything in your cupboard pickled and do you build all of your furniture? (These two are not necessarily positives if it means we can NEVER drink domestic beer or have a romantic night assembling IKEA furniture.) Do you have a beard? DO YOU HAVE A BEARD?!
Yep, that’s right. In New York City, it’s all about location. Even when it comes to dating and sex. Nay, especially. I live in Astoria. I will not date you if you live anywhere that takes me more than 40 minutes to get to. Hell, I will not date you if you live anywhere else in Queens. Transferring trains? Forget it. If a bus or the G train is involved then I’m pretty sure we will never see each other naked. I can see you rolling your eyes, but are you traveling more than 40 minutes on a Tuesday to the depths of any outer borough (or Inwood...) to sleep in a bed that is not yours? Didn’t think so.
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Meagan Drillinger is a freelance writer for Thrillist. Like she said, this is all hypothetical. She carries glitter wherever she goes waiting for “the moment.” Follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at @drillinjourneys.