Available Public Park Space Spotter
Free, open, green space is one of this city’s most precious natural resources. If it's sunny and 75 you can wager those Canal St Ray-Bans that Central Park, Prospect Park, Battery Park, and That Patch of Grass on the Subway Platform will be jammed with bro-tanks and ironic Nerf whistler footballs. Rather than lurk slowly past the group that appears to be packing up their Brie or waking up, you know, early, hire a Park Space Spotter, because no one wants to spend the majority of Park Day searching for a place to enjoy Park Day.
Subway Flight Attendant
"Pardon me [gently touches shoulder], you should wake up, your stop is approaching. Would you like a hot towel before you depart? Is there anything else I can do to enhance your experience today? No? Well, thank you for choosing the MTA. We hope we made your commute just a little brighter [white teeth gleam]."