Of course, shedding your recalcitrant bro shell in favor of a big-boy life in the big city isn't without its challenges. For one thing, you’ll need to spend a significant amount of money on new, more fashionable clothes. Contrary to what you may have heard, this is not the behavior of “the gays” and “chicks"; it is the behavior of all mature humans who’ve decided that it’s no longer age-appropriate to dress like a deranged rodeo clown sponsored by Costa Del Mar & Southern Tide.
For another, you’ll find yourself focusing on your career at some point, a necessary and laudable concern that will deliver a constant, low-level dose of anxiety directly into your brain at all hours of the day and night. Living in NYC exacerbates this feeling. So do drugs, so you will either a) do more of them; or b) stop doing them altogether. I recommend b), but that’s a personal decision.
Oh, by the way: the crawfish festival is great, Stone St is overcrowded, Brooklyn's got delightful rooftop bars, Trader Joe's lines move fast, Uber is just one of many ways to get around, and your phone will die a lot, so put it on airplane mode in the subway.
New York City is a wonderful place, my dear incoming bros. The upsides are many, the downsides are... well, also many, but you’ll get used to them. The city you experience for the first couple years of your residency is not the city that the rest of us experience. As you leave behind the trappings of your college years, you’ll realize just how big this place is. And when you do, you will feel small. That's OK. It’s an important realization, and when it strikes you, you will no longer be a nameless, faceless, insufferable incoming bro. You will be one of 8 million New Yorkers who make these Five Boroughs the best city in the world.
Welcome to New York City, bros.
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Dave Infante is a writer-at-large at Thrillist. He is a recovering bro. Follow @dinfontay on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat.