The Outdoor Enthusiast
Even though we live in one of the most congested cities in the country, there still exists that person who craves the outdoors and wide-open spaces. You like them because they take you to Brooklyn Boulders where you can "spot" each other, or they whisk you away to the Catskills for a weekend of making out in a tent. But when winter comes they still want to do things outside... with the wind... and the snow. You just want Game of Thrones, Seamless, and your elastic-waisted items. It wasn’t meant to be.
The High-Powered Suit
It’s tough to say how exactly you two met, seeing as The High-Powered Suit never leaves the office. Should you find one, you are in for some pretty epic dates, because they make an absurd amount of money from either real estate, investment banking, or the law firm where they just became partner. But no matter the amount of sushi at Masa or private helicopter flights out to the Hamptons, you can’t get over the aggressive personality, the 15 different devices that ding at all hours of the night, and the bizarre sexual fetishes they have developed as an outlet for their stress.
The New York Noob
There’s nothing quite like a New York virgin. There are an infinite number of ways to make yourself look freaking awesome and you will impress their pants right off. They literally have never seen the view from the Top of the Standard, or had a Black Seed Bagel, or seen Sleep No More. Finding a New York Noob is a sure-fire way to guarantee yourself a few weeks of consistent hooking up. Alas, this will go one of two ways: not being from New York, they will either want to lock you down immediately because you are the greatest thing they have ever encountered ever, or they will realize that you are just one of the infinite possibilities in this great city and will leave you faster than you can say, "Please stand away from the platform edge."
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Meagan Drillinger is a freelance writer for Thrillist. All of her dates are tax deductible. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram at @drillinjourneys.