26 ridiculous reasons New Yorkers think they're better than other New Yorkers
People should be able to do whatever the hell they want with their life, but only if they do it because they love it, and not because they think it makes them better than anyone else. Unfortunately, we live in New York, which means almost everyone thinks they're better than everyone else. The worst offenders, though? The people who think they're better because...
... they work in finance
Dane Cook works in acting. It doesn’t mean he’s any good at it.
... they don’t work in finance
Congratulations: you’re an arrogant jerk whose mistakes cost people $12 instead of $12 billion.
... they're making a movie
I make super-cute handbags and sell them on the sidewalk. Do I get to put up 'No Parking' signs, too?
... they got a great people-watching seat!
"People watching" is just another way of saying, "Being judgmental while eating the chef’s creative take on Eggs Benedict".
... they're riding on a bicycle
Silence that bell, Johnny Tight-Shorts.
... they're not riding on a Citi Bike
Is "being late to stuff because that shade of blue is totally lame" on the list of things that you're most proud of?
... they're idling at a red light in an imported luxury convertible
Pull your seat-back out of the reclining position -- you just got passed by some dude on a Citi Bike.
... they eat local
Everybody eats local. Some people just choose to eat at their local McDonald's.
... they eat in Queens
You know where else has Indian food that's so much more authentic than Curry Hill? India.
... they're not a gentrifier
Are you one of 27 Russian Jews living underneath an ironing board on Orchard Street? If not, then you kind of are a gentrifier.
... they don’t hang out in Times Square
Do you really want to brag about being cooler than Ronald and Marjorie Mikulski from Branson, Missouri?
... they're European
"Americans are worse than Europeans because when they visit Europe they act like they’re better than Europeans, so I’m going to move to America and act like I’m better than Americans…" HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?
... they're on a community board
You won’t be on that board much longer, old woman.
... they tattooed their face and hang out on St. Marks
If you're living outside of society, how come we can still see you?
... they have a minute to talk about the environment
Way to have more minutes than me, clipboard-carrying, global warming evangelist. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to get off this sidewalk before I get hypothermia.
... they're a doorman at some club
Yeah, yeah, you're just doing your job -- your job of telling people that they're too fat and ugly to live in New York.
... they're on the guest list at some club
Watching you smugly cut the line is the best cure for nightlife FOMO.
... they're in a parade
Oh, is it International Make Me Pay An Extra $12 For This Crosstown Taxi Day?
... they're a model
I'll tell you what's wrong with you as soon as you quit terrorizing me with your imperious downward gaze.
... they pull over cabbies for minor traffic violations
The best way to solve New York's traffic problems is definitely to park your squad car in the middle of the street.
... they think "old media is a bunch of dinosaurs!"
Your PuLOLzer Prize acceptance GIF is totally going to kill it.
... they think foreign films are character-driven and American films are not
It's like you didn't see a single Indie movie from 1989 to 1999. Probably because they were all bor-ing.
... they think Manhattan is full of itself but that Brooklyn is laid back
What's funny is that you're not even reading this, because Bloomberg never bothered to give Brooklyn the Internet.
... they think Brooklyn is nothing but hipsters
So you're flatly accusing 2,566,000 people of ironically wearing YES "Tales from Topographic Oceans" concert tees?
... they're a Yankees fan
Who needs a farm system when you can get A.J. Burnett for a mere 82.5 million dollars?
... they're a Mets/Nets/Jets fan
Nothing says "diehard" like choosing rhyming over tradition.